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Soon after I got back in to the room the anesthesiologist came in with an army of people behind her. (Truly it was probably only 2 more people but when your 'lady business' is out there and you are slightly in zee nude, any more than 1 feels like an army.) I wish I could remember that woman's name because she was so gentle and made the entire process a whole lot less scary than what I had anticipated. I don't know why people like to regale horror birth stories to you when you are pregnant, but I had heard some of the worst about c section births and epidurals.
My experience was the complete opposite.
My angel anesthesiologist talked me through every single thing she was doing. She put a local anesthetic on my lower back while she inserted in the epidural needle in to my spine. Honestly it wasn't painful in the slightest. There was only the smallest pinch, getting the IV was much worse than the epidural. Then she began to put the medicine in to the epidural and told me I would experience some mild cramping in my hips as it went in. I had none. There was maybe a bit of tightening but I wouldn't have characterized it as cramping. The whole time I was breathing in and out as deeply as I could. It helped.
John held my hand through the whole process. His big hand enveloped mine and I squeezed it as hard as I could just so I could feel closer to him in the last moments before our lives would change forever. I felt so peaceful with him by my side. At that moment they could have done anything to me and I wouldn't have cared. Evaleigh and John were the only things on my mind. The anticipation of KNOWING we would meet our daughter in a matter of minutes was heaven.
After they finished with everything they rolled me back on to my side. At that point the numbness was trickling down my legs. All of the sudden things felt heavy. A man came to me with a cold ice pack and put it against my arm. "Do you feel how cold that is? I'm going to start down near your pelvis and move the cold upwards and I want you to tell me when you can feel the cold again." It was a fun game, but not a game I would ever cheat at. The very moment I felt the slightest cold, I made it known. He would come back every few minutes and we would play that game again. While I was waiting to numb up I remember the nurse telling John a couple times, "Mr. Murphy you don't have to put on your OR clothes yet." I think he was nervous about when to put them on, it was pretty darn cute. When I couldn't even tell the man was touching me with the ice pack anymore, it was time to go to the operating room. They wheeled me out of pre-op and down the mile long hallway. The hallway lights above me were passing so fast.
We arrived at the operating room and my heart felt so warm. I felt like I was almost in a dream-like state because of how happy I was about what was about to happen. There were over a dozen people in the room buzzing about shouting orders. There were so many things happening all at once it was hard to keep up. They transferred me on to the operating table by some sort of blow up mattress thing, I actually enjoyed the ride. A big black guy said in a happy booming voice, "Girl, looks like you enjoyed that ride. Its nice to see someone happy about this for once. Looks like your baby is going to have a nice smile too!" I felt pumped. All I could think was, "LET'S DO THIS!!!" John came in to the room in his blue OR clothes and they put the sheet up in front of my face so I couldn't see anything. Time felt like it was passing so quickly.
John took my hand and I said to Dr. Sun, whom I LOVE, "Tell me when you start!" She replied, "We actually started about two minutes ago." That was a shocking moment. I looked up at the nurse standing above me. He had his hands on my shoulders and was looking over the sheet and then I noticed....the reflection in his glasses. I could see my doctor cutting my body open! I had a very quick internal battle, to watch or not to watch. When red was mostly what I saw, my sissy self won. I looked over at my sweet John who was looking back and forth between me and where our baby would be born.
His beautiful brown eyes were such a comfort to me. He whispered to me, "You're doing great!" Little did I know he was watching the nurses play tug of war with the sides of my stomach to get EJ out. He said the moment they cut my uterus open both of her little feet popped out right away. There was no doubt about it, she was a breech baby.
I heard the nurses mumbling something about who was going to sing soprano, alto, tenor, and bass. I thought maybe it was the anesthesia talking. Then the most glorious thing happened, Dr. Sun said,
"Somebody call it!"
"1:19!"
"Uh one-two-three...Happy Birthday to you...."
The whole hospital staff surrounded me and Evaleigh and began a beautifully sung rendition of "Happy Birthday" mingled with cries of my newborn baby. She came in to the world surrounded by singing, it was so fitting. Her tiny cry was the most heavenly thing I had ever heard. I felt connected to her immediately. I couldn't see her but I could hear her, and in that moment, it was enough.
I got to meet her voice.
I savored every particle of sound that was coming out of her. Tears were running down my cheeks and all I could do was close my eyes and take in that most sacred moment. John was talking me through what they were doing, he did not leave my side. He was clenching my hand while standing up and watching everything they were doing to our little girl. It felt like only moments and then they brought her over to us and John held her for the first time. He brought her down close to me.
Then I got to meet her body.
It was the most wonderful thing I had ever experienced. I lay there completely aware of only her. It was a face that I had never imagined and then I knew why I had never dreamed of her while I was pregnant. I could have never imagined a face so perfect and lovely. It was such an overwhelming and indescribable feeling to look in to the face of some one who was half of me and half of John. I got to put my hands on her and tell her how much I loved her and how beautiful she was. She wasn't crying anymore. She was so alert and I could tell she was loving her firsts moments of life. I wanted to know what she was thinking and how she felt.
They finished sewing and stapling me back up and then they moved us to a recovery room. There they gave EJ her first bath and then they put her tiny naked body on to my skin. I held her so carefully and smelled her delicious skin. She felt so soft and her movements felt familiar. The nurses left and I was able to try and nurse her for the first time.
John and I were glued to her and we talked about our feelings and how much we loved her. Those were powerful moments as it was the first time with just the 3 of us all alone. I loved it. The room felt holy, you could feel that it was a place in which new life entered in to quite often. All around us we could hear cries of other new babies who had just been brought in to the world. It was our haven where we could be quiet and take in every bit of her.
After some time passed we were able to go to our hospital room and family came up to meet her. I was so proud to introduce her to my family and to watch John's protective nature kick in. We spent 4 days there recovering, healing, and learning about our new baby girl.
From that day on we gained the new and honorable names of mother and father.
We love our new names.
