I am choosing to end a rut today.
I am choosing gratitude.
I am choosing happiness.
I have been horribly sad the past few months. I haven't talked about this much but 2 months ago in April, my parents divorced. It was a huge surprise to me. After 26 years of marriage everything came to an end.
It has been an incredibly difficult thing for me to wrap my head around. I have spent many tear filled hours trying to understand why life turns out the way it does.
I suppose it all comes down to our choices.
We all have within ourselves the power to choose.
I can choose to eat jello for all 3 meals of the day. I can choose to go to the antique mall 3 times in one week. I can choose to do my laundry or to let it sit. I can choose to take 15 minutes to have a meaningful conversation with someone or I can let the moment pass me by. I can choose to be happy or I can choose to give way to my negative emotions.
Today I am going to choose to be happy.
I am going to try to understand why the Lord has put me where I am at this time. John and I have moved in with my mother to help her out during this hard time. We are living the home that I grew up in.
Even though we know this is where we are supposed to be right now, I haven't exactly been the easiest person to live with.
I have been sulking around and complaining that I don't have a place of my own. I have felt like less of a wife. I have been so much less productive. I haven't been cooking or taking pride in my own little area of the house. I have been sad to have left our friends and life in Atlanta. I have been being so negative.
I can't believe how ungrateful I have been.
I need to focus on the blessings of this situation.
Because we are living here I am able to see my wondeful mother everyday.
Because we are living here we are living rent free.
Because we are here we are able to save money and work to get out of the small debts that we have.
Because we are living here we are able to enjoy candle lit evenings on the porch.
Because we are here we have a snugly puppy to make us laugh and smile.
Because we are here I can look in to the lightening bug glitter filled woods in our back yard.
Because we are living here it has become possible for us to have our baby!!
I am going to try to make this place my home again.
I am going to reclaim my wifely duties and start doing the things that I enjoy again.
I am going to wake up each morning with a resolve to choose happiness.
(This picture really has nothing to do with this post except that John Murphy sure does make it easier to be happy. That and we went to the Glenn Murphy Ranch last weekend for Father's Day. I love my happy ranching husband.)
Mmmm jello and antique malls...
It's good to make a choice to be positive, but it's also okay to be sad. Your mom is so lucky to have such a wonderful and supportive daughter. Keep you chin up, and keep posting so the rest of us can cheer up with you!
We're moving to Texas in 7 weeks, which means we will be having a New Jersey reunion soon...
Love you, and good luck, and congrats!
I can't even imagine how you must feel, but this post really helped me because I have been really down in the dumps here lately.
You are an inspiration.
My parents divorced a few years ago too.. I think its even harder on adult children then it is on young children, since they adapt so much more easily and we have so many more memories as a "family". I too moved in with my Dad to help him out directly after the divorce and had a terrible time, did much of the same things that you are talking about.
It took me an entire year to snap out of it.. a year of holidays and christmases and all that and learning to change before I could come around.
You don't know me from a hole in the wall, but if you ever need a good dose of 'count your blessings' and 'ive been there' you can come to me.
Oh girl, I'm so sorry! I'm SO glad you've chosen happiness though. You deserve it!!
I hope things feel better soon! Keep the little one on your mind and the brighter days will come. Thinking of you!
My parents are divorced too. Have been for years now. It is a sad thing, but you can think of it as, they are more happy apart than together. That is still a sad thought, but it helps.
But I hope you'll feel better soon, and you have a wonderful thing to be happy about as well!
Such a beautiful post. Choosing to be happy is a choice I have to make often ... it makes life so much better :)
I'm so sorry. I know how you feel and it's really hard to want to choose happiness when your heart feels shattered. But you have a wonderful husband to help you get through it and that is a bit of luck right there. I don't understand why things like this happen, it was never God's plan for us. But thankfully our God is Healer and there is no wound He can't mend. There is no sorrow He can't comfort. :) You will rock the socks off happiness and you will be strong. I just know it!
What an inspiring post! I'm sorry for your parents and how it has affected you. But God works in mysterious ways, especially through tough trials. I've been suffering from "poopypantsitis" lately as well, and I know it does not make me a fun person to be around. But the other day I felt inspired by part of Proverbs 14:30, "a heart at peace gives life to the body...". If I am not letting God give peace to my heart, then how can I TRULY be living?! I'm learning to take things as they come and like you said, choose to be happy and grateful for all the blessings in life.
I'm glad that things are looking up for you. Happy is the only way to be! And your having a baby!!! YAY YAY
Good for you Rachel! Always good to be reminded that when some things aren't going so well, we have other blessings to be thankful for!
I hope you can find the beauty in all the laughs and adventures we had in that home...such a loving, loving, place!
Beautiful post, Rachel. I've been praying for you and for your family. I can't imagine what a hard time it must be for you all, but what a beautiful example you set of choosing happiness in the hard times.
Rachel, I relate tremendously to your post. As you know, I've had a heavy load with my sister's and mother's health, my uncle's death and discoveries we're unearthing about his last days, and with my husband's unemployment. I, too, have been extremely depressed and really haven't had much zest for life.
You are right that we decide as individuals to be negative or positive. It is hard some days for me to have a passion for living. But I push through, taking heart of the simple joys.
There's a great Amy Grant song called "Fight." One verse goes, "I might just hold my guard up/And lock my heart up tight/But it's the door that open/Letting in the light." So true.
Music, like writing, has been a tremendous outlet for me. Keep blogging, keep singing and playing and keep relying on your support system. You will come through this stronger and with a perspective you never imagined.