rubber band heart

Last night I finally got out.  

By my self.  

It was both the worst thing and the best thing.  

John insisted that I go after I had a bit of a break down.  Yesterday morning was my first time with Evaleigh all by my self (that is until my sister came to my rescue at 1:00).  She cried all morning and I couldn't figure out what was wrong.  It was wearing and I was feeling very inadequate.  However, I am continually amazed at the increased patience that I have for this little girl because she is mine and I love her so.

So around 7:30pm I mustered up a lot of courage to make the trek to Target.  My mother drove me because I had just popped a Percocet.  

I kissed my girlie and husband goodbye and stared at them both longingly as if I would be gone for weeks.  I looked at him and said with tear filled eyes, "You know this is my first time without her, and I'm not just talking about the two weeks she has been born.  This is the first time in 10 months I will be without her."  He assured me I would be ok and that this little trip was really something I needed. So, I summoned my stronger self, agreed, and went out the door.  I cried almost the whole way to Target while my mother offered up beautiful words of encouragement and advice.  

Now that Evaleigh is born, a piece of my heart lives outside of my body.  It is as if there is a rubber band connecting my heart to hers.  I am constantly aware of her little being and where she is.  The further we drove the more tension I felt in the distance we were stretching a part.  My heart was longing to snap right back to hers.

When we got to Target my mother dropped me off at the front like I was a middle schooler and told me to go in alone and take as much time as I'd like.  In my head I thought, "Sure mom, I'm here for Hydrogen Peroxide and that's it.  Se ya in 5, I've got a newborn to get back to!"  I walked through those glorious Target doors and instantly felt at home.  It was as if the automatic doors sprung open for me, wind rushed through my hair, and the light shone round about me.  AHHHHH! Target is a form of therapy.  No matter what I can always count on a stroll through there to get me through.

I set off to find the Peroxide.  As I was walking down the aisles all I could see were mothers and daughters everywhere.  Where did they all come from?  It was like they were taunting me.  "I love you mommy!"  "I love you too sweetheart!"  Seriously??  Where were all of the unruly children screaming and acting out?  There were sweet smiling babies cooing at their mothers and little girls bouncing next to their mothers chatting and giggling.  I stood in the hair bow aisle in a puddle of my own tears.  I must have looked pretty crazy.

Once I finally regained composure, my trip to acquire an .82 cent bottle of peroxide turned into an indulgent shopping spree.  I left with ice cream, chocolates, some soda, a laundry basket for Ev, shampoo and conditioner, 3 different breakfast items, diapers and wipes.  

Then all of the sudden I felt normal again.  My 5 minute in-and-out turned in to an hour of "me time".  John was completely right.  That little trip turned out to be just what I needed.  I came home feeling refreshed and rejuvenated.  

My rubber band snapped right back and my heart was just where it belonged.

such is life

When Evaleigh was 4 days old we wanted to teach her something very important.  Before she was born John and I came up with the idea to take her to the temple as her very first outing.  This is something that we hope to do with all of our children after they are born.  So, on the way home from her doctor's appointment we drove by the Atlanta Temple.  We got out of the car and stood outside of the gate and told her about the gospel of eternal families.  We told her about how she is sealed to us forever because her mommy and daddy were married in the holy temple.  

How grateful I am to know that we will never be parted from her no matter what happens to any of us.  I am so happy that when John and I were married we were sealed together by the power of the priesthood.  This sealing goes through out the eternities and not just 'til death do us part'.  We are an eternal unit and because of this, our children will be ours forever and ever.  To me heaven would not be heaven if I didn't have my husband and daughter by my side.

We stood there and talked to her for quite some time as cars passed by us on the road.  Although she was sleeping I'm sure her little spirit heard what we were saying to her.


As we were heading back towards the car we experienced irony at its best.  After we had just had this incredible spiritual moment with our 4 day old daughter something awful happened.
 John stepped in a pile of dog poop on the side walk.  
Really!?!? Reeeeallyyy?! 
I suppose it was a life lesson right then and there.  Just as you are trying to do the right things and be good, opposition comes along to try and screw it up.  We laughed so hard doubled over on the sidewalk and then I almost cried because every laugh hurt my c-section incision.  It was a moment we will never forget.  John wiped off his shoes in the grass and then we tried to salvage the experience.
We drove off singing "I Love to See the Temple" to our beautiful sleeping baby.  


* to learn more about our church you can visit mormon.org or ask me questions!*

tonight, i was that girl...

I swore I would never get to this point.

Tonight I went to grocery store for some serious necessities adorned in comfy gouchos and my husbands t-shirt.

I was passing by the milk and suddenly things were feeling a bit drafty.  I ran my hand down my very pregnant belly and when I reached the bottom, to my horror and complete oblivion, my very pregnant belly was exposing itself...with out my permission.

How could I be so completely unaware of my own body?

I quickly tried to snuff out the situation and cover up but it was too late, I had been spotted.

Face-palm.

You see, I have stretch marks.  I have one that I am particularly proud of.  It resides directly above my belly button (if it can still be called that nowadays).  It is an unmistakable lightening bolt.  A few weeks ago I was thinking, "How could pregnancy get any cooler?"  Then BAM...Harry Potter lightening bolt stretch mark on my tum.

After I procured all of the items on my list I went to the checkout and experienced my first REAL contraction.  Dang.  I had to completely stop walking and hold my shopping cart with a death grip.

Hold on baby girl...give your mama 2 more days.

I'm going to be a recluse and stay in til Tuesday, I can't be showing off my magical tummy marks anymore, I'm just not that girl.

dear pregnancy brain, you ruin everything.

Dear Pregnancy Brain,

You and I need to have a talk.

You see, the last week or so I have been building up husband's birthday surprise and doing a really great job of keeping it a secret.  Secrets can be hard for me, especially when its a gift.  I really thought I was going to make it this time.

Then you came along and ruined everything.

Remember yesterday when all I wanted to do was show Mr. Murphy a picture of my new bangs then you decided to butt in and be all, "BAM, it'd be a great idea to take a picture of yourself in the car and make sure to include his birthday present in the background."

That was rude.  

Can you stop making me stupid now?

Love,

Rachel

Happy Birthday to my sweet husband of 24 today!

I made Mr. Murphy promise me to still act surprised.

I was so close...SO close.

quite appropriate for Halloween don't you think?

Yes, that is indeed a real bullet in Mr. Murphy's hand.

I think I am going to make it a family tradition to always use this x-ray as part of our family Halloween decor.  It makes for quite the story.  All is well now, but this past weekend was insane...insane I tell you.

Somewhere in Europe

And for this reason when I saw this album in Goodwill...

...it had to be mine.

It was a quiet evening in the Murphy home and we decided to make some ruckus with this bad boy.

So, we pulled out our new Andrew Sister's album and this dropped out on to the floor from the inside of the album cover.

I doubt Lorin ever thought her letter to Tom Brust would travel from The Hotel Luna in Venice, to Syosset New York, and somehow inside of a record to a Goodwill in Atlanta Georgia, and then to the quaint little apartment of two newlyweds.

But it did.

She spoke of Venice, Rome, Paris, Florence, and Switzerland.  She wrote of Italian leather, Swiss watches, and French hash.  She painted pictures of American doctors, gondola rides, and 72 hour bus rides through the European countryside.

After we devoured Lorin's words and soaked in her stories, Mr. Murphy swung me around our living room in our bare-feet to the sounds of "Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy" flying through the air.  We learned a lot that night.

3 things we know about Tom:

1. He lived in New York

2. He knew a girl named Lorin

3. He loved the Andrew Sisters

3 things we know about Lorin:

1. She never saw the Eiffel Tower, The Statue of David, or the Pope

2. She was once bitten on the eye by a mosquito in Europe

3. She smoked some hash with a girl named Cheri in Venice

3 things we now know:

1. This letter makes for excellent inspiration for a song in one of our jam sesh's.

2.  It would take us an hour and a half to get to 8 Arizona Avenue from downtown Manhattan and someday we might try.

3. We want to go to Europe and see all of the things Lorin never did.  Even the Pope.  And we will do it in her honor.