just some time

Several times tonight before we went upstairs to bed Evaleigh told me, "Mom, I just want to spend some time with you."  It was the sweetest request that I couldn't wait to fulfill. 

So we went upstairs after family prayer, which was the usual struggle of Avett whining that he wanted to pray as soon as Evie started to pray.  I am glad they love to pray so I suppose it's a good problem to have.  John put Avett to bed while and Evie and I laughed and snuggled and played and read books for a good 45 minutes.  I sat her on my lap and told her NOT to laugh, which of course was impossible.  She would say it to me and then we would bust out laughing.  

I loved every second of it.  It's easy to hurry through the last parts of the day, especially on the days when bed time is a welcomed time.  I know I tend to do that often but tonight was different and I loved it.  

She loves to say, "Mom can I tell you a whisper?" Then she leans up close and whispers in my ear, "I love you, you are the best mom ever you silly pot."  There's just nothing in the world like having a daughter.

twenty two

Evaleigh Joy,

You are such a miracle to watch.  I am honored to be your mother.  I love watching you fold your arms to pray every night before bed.  You put a happiness in my heart that only you can do.  I love watching you learn and I love teaching you.  This week we took a walk in the orchard and we found a birds nest in one of the peach trees, I told you that nests are where baby birds and their mamas live.  Later on our walk we came across the fig tree and we picked every last single one.  Then we came across 5 huge holly trees and I helped you pick a couple of sprigs with bright red berries on them.  You loved walking around with them in your hand while repeating your newly learned word over and over again, "Berries!".  After we went back to the side of the house we were sitting under the tree and admiring our findings from the walk.  I told you that birds eat berries.  You got an excited look in your eye and hopped down from the chair and started running towards the orchard, you turned back for a moment and said, "Bye!"  and then continued on your way.  I didn't think much of it at the moment but then you went straight to that peach tree and started putting the red holly berries in the nest.  My heart melted at your compassion and thought for the birds even though they are gone for winter.  You amaze me with your knowledge and understanding.

What a glorious little spirit you are.
I've missed doing your monthly videos and updates since one turned one.  Since then 10 wonderful months have gone by.  You've changed so much in that time.  
You make me laugh hard every single day.
Today we spent 20 minutes playing with my squishy post partum belly and I think it was the funniest thing you'd seen all day.  You kept pointing at my stretch marks and calling them boo-boos.

You are becoming your own person minute by minute and I love seeing it.  I am impressed by your compassion, humor, and brilliance.  You are talking so much every single day and have started repeating just about everything. 
We are working on improving some words however.  You try ever so desparately to say "socks"  but somehow that s is replaced with a c....uh oh.  Its a word that we use everyday and we are trying pretty hard to correct it!
You call your little brother "Bay-dit".  I don't even want to try and correct that one because its so cute. 
Aunt Rebekah had her baby girl 3 weeks after Avett was born and her name is Kate but you call her Cake.  Well...we could just about eat her up like a cake, she is beautiful.
You love to sing.  You can match pitch and every time you even see music notes you sing in a high pitched opera voice.  You love to go to the piano and play it and sing along and make up songs.  
You are such a daddy's girl.  I love seeing you love your daddy.  I feel like I've missed you a lot since Avett was born but I am enjoying seeing a little girl blossom out from your new role as a big sister.  I still see you as my little baby though.  I can imagine your big chubby cheeks and your pretty eyes just closed for a nap and you laying in my arms.  I loved the days we spent together just the two of us and I will never forget them.  Thank you for being my first born.  Thank you for loving me through my mistakes, you deserve a great mother and I try to be that for you every day.  I love you more than you'll ever know.

love,
your mama

muppis

Evaleigh, you are perfect at 15 months.

We are entertained by you constantly.  You always have me smiling at something funny you are doing.  I love turning around and there you are at my feet handing me your 'puppis'.  Some days I think that is the only word you know.  You love your puppy so much.  I love how its rarely in singular form, its mostly puppies or my puppies, and then on occasion you put them together and call it 'muppis'.  That's my favorite.

I'm not sure if you really speak English.  When you talk I swear it is French that is coming out.  Especially when you really get going.  Its the most adorable and entertaining thing.

You have one curl on the back of your head that we call your duck tail.  I'm not sure why the rest of your head is failing to grow hair.  But I love your stubborn receding hairline and your single curl.

You love to give your daddy kisses first thing in the morning.  Its a big part of our morning routine.  And for whatever reason whenever we come back upstairs from breakfast and daddy is fresh out of the shower that is when you can't resist being held by him.  He loves it.

You are such an explorer.  You love being outside and would spend all day out there if I would let you.  You love carrying around little rocks and leaves and pointing to the sky when you hear birds.

You are such a cool kid.

our first fight

Here is EJ's 8 month video.  At the end you can witness our first fight.  When will she ever learn my name?

month 7

month 6

month 5

month 4

month 3

month 2

month 1

rubber band heart

Last night I finally got out.  

By my self.  

It was both the worst thing and the best thing.  

John insisted that I go after I had a bit of a break down.  Yesterday morning was my first time with Evaleigh all by my self (that is until my sister came to my rescue at 1:00).  She cried all morning and I couldn't figure out what was wrong.  It was wearing and I was feeling very inadequate.  However, I am continually amazed at the increased patience that I have for this little girl because she is mine and I love her so.

So around 7:30pm I mustered up a lot of courage to make the trek to Target.  My mother drove me because I had just popped a Percocet.  

I kissed my girlie and husband goodbye and stared at them both longingly as if I would be gone for weeks.  I looked at him and said with tear filled eyes, "You know this is my first time without her, and I'm not just talking about the two weeks she has been born.  This is the first time in 10 months I will be without her."  He assured me I would be ok and that this little trip was really something I needed. So, I summoned my stronger self, agreed, and went out the door.  I cried almost the whole way to Target while my mother offered up beautiful words of encouragement and advice.  

Now that Evaleigh is born, a piece of my heart lives outside of my body.  It is as if there is a rubber band connecting my heart to hers.  I am constantly aware of her little being and where she is.  The further we drove the more tension I felt in the distance we were stretching a part.  My heart was longing to snap right back to hers.

When we got to Target my mother dropped me off at the front like I was a middle schooler and told me to go in alone and take as much time as I'd like.  In my head I thought, "Sure mom, I'm here for Hydrogen Peroxide and that's it.  Se ya in 5, I've got a newborn to get back to!"  I walked through those glorious Target doors and instantly felt at home.  It was as if the automatic doors sprung open for me, wind rushed through my hair, and the light shone round about me.  AHHHHH! Target is a form of therapy.  No matter what I can always count on a stroll through there to get me through.

I set off to find the Peroxide.  As I was walking down the aisles all I could see were mothers and daughters everywhere.  Where did they all come from?  It was like they were taunting me.  "I love you mommy!"  "I love you too sweetheart!"  Seriously??  Where were all of the unruly children screaming and acting out?  There were sweet smiling babies cooing at their mothers and little girls bouncing next to their mothers chatting and giggling.  I stood in the hair bow aisle in a puddle of my own tears.  I must have looked pretty crazy.

Once I finally regained composure, my trip to acquire an .82 cent bottle of peroxide turned into an indulgent shopping spree.  I left with ice cream, chocolates, some soda, a laundry basket for Ev, shampoo and conditioner, 3 different breakfast items, diapers and wipes.  

Then all of the sudden I felt normal again.  My 5 minute in-and-out turned in to an hour of "me time".  John was completely right.  That little trip turned out to be just what I needed.  I came home feeling refreshed and rejuvenated.  

My rubber band snapped right back and my heart was just where it belonged.

evaleigh joy, i love you

Dear Evaleigh,

In a matter of days I will hold you in my arms for the first time. I have imagined that moment countless times but I know that nothing has prepared me for how I am really going to feel.  I have been holding you in my body for the past 9 months and it has been a privileged to share this body with you.  I have been honored to give you the things you have needed to grow and prepare your self to come in to this world.  

I have reveled in every kick, roll, and hiccup (those of which have been in the thousands).  Thank you for all of the little reminders that you are here and you are a living being.  I am going to miss having you all to myself, I hope your daddy will share you with me, because he can't wait to get his hands on you.  

I am so hopeful for our future together as mother and daughter.  You are about to make me something I have never been before.  Thank you for giving me this sacred role.  I think that our bond is already something pretty special and I can't wait for it to keep growing.  I am so excited to look in to your little face for the first time and have your daddy by my side.  We made you with a lot of love.  I want to examine every millimeter of you and talk about who you look like. We have such a great life ahead.  Thank you for being my daughter and giving me more joy than I ever thought possible.  I love you and I'll be seeing you soon.

love,

your mother