big changes!

We are on our way to the Denver airport right now! We have loved our week here in Colorado so much. I've never seen trees so yellow and full of fall. I have a few things to share from our trip later.

We have some pretty big changes taking place when we land back in Atlanta. When we get back we will start packing up our things in my mothers country farm house and we will begin moving to a townhouse in the city. We are so excited for this move and to finally have it be just our little family of 3. We have loved so much living with my mother. I am so grateful for the time she got to spend with Evaleigh and that I was able to watch their relationship grow to be so close.

Leaving is a little bittersweet but we know that it is absolutely the right thing for our family. I am beyond excited to decorate our home and make it ours.

Can't wait for the changes ahead!

rubber band heart

Last night I finally got out.  

By my self.  

It was both the worst thing and the best thing.  

John insisted that I go after I had a bit of a break down.  Yesterday morning was my first time with Evaleigh all by my self (that is until my sister came to my rescue at 1:00).  She cried all morning and I couldn't figure out what was wrong.  It was wearing and I was feeling very inadequate.  However, I am continually amazed at the increased patience that I have for this little girl because she is mine and I love her so.

So around 7:30pm I mustered up a lot of courage to make the trek to Target.  My mother drove me because I had just popped a Percocet.  

I kissed my girlie and husband goodbye and stared at them both longingly as if I would be gone for weeks.  I looked at him and said with tear filled eyes, "You know this is my first time without her, and I'm not just talking about the two weeks she has been born.  This is the first time in 10 months I will be without her."  He assured me I would be ok and that this little trip was really something I needed. So, I summoned my stronger self, agreed, and went out the door.  I cried almost the whole way to Target while my mother offered up beautiful words of encouragement and advice.  

Now that Evaleigh is born, a piece of my heart lives outside of my body.  It is as if there is a rubber band connecting my heart to hers.  I am constantly aware of her little being and where she is.  The further we drove the more tension I felt in the distance we were stretching a part.  My heart was longing to snap right back to hers.

When we got to Target my mother dropped me off at the front like I was a middle schooler and told me to go in alone and take as much time as I'd like.  In my head I thought, "Sure mom, I'm here for Hydrogen Peroxide and that's it.  Se ya in 5, I've got a newborn to get back to!"  I walked through those glorious Target doors and instantly felt at home.  It was as if the automatic doors sprung open for me, wind rushed through my hair, and the light shone round about me.  AHHHHH! Target is a form of therapy.  No matter what I can always count on a stroll through there to get me through.

I set off to find the Peroxide.  As I was walking down the aisles all I could see were mothers and daughters everywhere.  Where did they all come from?  It was like they were taunting me.  "I love you mommy!"  "I love you too sweetheart!"  Seriously??  Where were all of the unruly children screaming and acting out?  There were sweet smiling babies cooing at their mothers and little girls bouncing next to their mothers chatting and giggling.  I stood in the hair bow aisle in a puddle of my own tears.  I must have looked pretty crazy.

Once I finally regained composure, my trip to acquire an .82 cent bottle of peroxide turned into an indulgent shopping spree.  I left with ice cream, chocolates, some soda, a laundry basket for Ev, shampoo and conditioner, 3 different breakfast items, diapers and wipes.  

Then all of the sudden I felt normal again.  My 5 minute in-and-out turned in to an hour of "me time".  John was completely right.  That little trip turned out to be just what I needed.  I came home feeling refreshed and rejuvenated.  

My rubber band snapped right back and my heart was just where it belonged.

that special moment...

...when you realize that there is food out there with an expiration date two days before your Dday.  

We are off to buy a car seat today. And maybe a stroller, how much does one really use that thing any way?  I want one of these to carry my babe in instead.  Maybe I will even be as awesome as to pack our hospital bags this afternoon.  LOOK OUT!

Choosing Happiness

I am choosing to end a rut today.

I am choosing gratitude.

I am choosing happiness.

I have been horribly sad the past few months. I haven't talked about this much but 2 months ago in April, my parents divorced.  It was a huge surprise to me.  After 26 years of marriage everything came to an end.

It has been an incredibly difficult thing for me to wrap my head around.  I have spent many tear filled hours trying to understand why life turns out the way it does.

I suppose it all comes down to our choices.

We all have within ourselves the power to choose.  

I can choose to eat jello for all 3 meals of the day.  I can choose to go to the antique mall 3 times in one week.  I can choose to do my laundry or to let it sit.  I can choose to take 15 minutes to have a meaningful conversation with someone or I can let the moment pass me by.  I can choose to be happy or I can choose to give way to my negative emotions.

Today I am going to choose to be happy.

I am going to try to understand why the Lord has put me where I am at this time.  John and I have moved in with my mother to help her out during this hard time.  We are living the home that I grew up in. 

Even though we know this is where we are supposed to be right now, I haven't exactly been the easiest person to live with.

I have been sulking around and complaining that I don't have a place of my own.  I have felt like less of a wife.  I have been so much less productive.  I haven't been cooking or taking pride in my own little area of the house.  I have been sad to have left our friends and life in Atlanta.  I have been being so negative.

I can't believe how ungrateful I have been.

I need to focus on the blessings of this situation.

Because we are living here I am able to see my wondeful mother everyday.

Because we are living here we are living rent free.

Because we are here we are able to save money and work to get out of the small debts that we have.

Because we are living here we are able to enjoy candle lit evenings on the porch.

Because we are here we have a snugly puppy to make us laugh and smile.

Because we are here I can look in to the lightening bug glitter filled woods in our back yard.

Because we are living here it has become possible for us to have our baby!!

I am going to try to make this place my home again.  

I am going to reclaim my wifely duties and start doing the things that I enjoy again.

I am going to wake up each morning with a resolve to choose happiness.

(This picture really has nothing to do with this post except that John Murphy sure does make it easier to be happy.  That and we went to the Glenn Murphy Ranch last weekend for Father's Day.  I love my happy ranching husband.)

murphy family addition

meet violetta.

She is a Nissan Versa with a sweet smooth ride.  Thank you to our anonymous donor who made it possible to own this beauty of a car, we love it!

There have been a lot of changes going on lately in the Murphy family.  

We went from our tiny one bedroom apartment in "little Mexico" to a 5 bedroom home in the beautiful Monroe countryside. It broke my heart to move out of our first married apartment because I thought we would live there forever and raise all 6 of our future children in that sweet little apartment.

I sat on the empty floor of our apartment and cried.

Life moves on I guess.