just some time

Several times tonight before we went upstairs to bed Evaleigh told me, "Mom, I just want to spend some time with you."  It was the sweetest request that I couldn't wait to fulfill. 

So we went upstairs after family prayer, which was the usual struggle of Avett whining that he wanted to pray as soon as Evie started to pray.  I am glad they love to pray so I suppose it's a good problem to have.  John put Avett to bed while and Evie and I laughed and snuggled and played and read books for a good 45 minutes.  I sat her on my lap and told her NOT to laugh, which of course was impossible.  She would say it to me and then we would bust out laughing.  

I loved every second of it.  It's easy to hurry through the last parts of the day, especially on the days when bed time is a welcomed time.  I know I tend to do that often but tonight was different and I loved it.  

She loves to say, "Mom can I tell you a whisper?" Then she leans up close and whispers in my ear, "I love you, you are the best mom ever you silly pot."  There's just nothing in the world like having a daughter.

for EJ

I've had a drop of rain for each kiss that has pressed sweetly on your skin, we are swimming in a deep warm ocean.

I collected a petal for each amorous sentiment whispered closely to your ear, we are hand in hand in a field of yellow and white wildflowers.

I've spoken with God and uttered quiet prayers from my lips for you and each time I earned heavens white fall drift. We are standing on the highest snow capped mountain.

Yet all of this I did with you in my arms.

6 months

Evie,


We have spent 6 months together. You made me a mother, the most wonderful thing in the world. I can't believe how fast this time is going. Its so incredibly bittersweet.


You stand up almost all of the time, you like to do that right on my lap. I have tiny bruises on my thighs from where your little toes have dug in deep and left their mark on my skin.


You sleep in the bed with a-da and I every night...get ready, that's about to change. I think...


Your most happy time is generally right before bedtime, that is when I can always count on some good giggles.


Granmommee gives you baths in the kitchen sink after your rice cereal and you love it.


You are yelling at the top of your lungs and it makes us laugh so much. What are you trying to tell us? You have your mommy's singer lungs that's for sure.


You don't like being on your tummy. I think you might skip the whole crawling thing all together.


You love to take nose dives in to my chest and stay there and nuzzle for a little while.


Last week Nanny taught you how to shake your head, she is the only one who can get you to do it.


You wake me up the morning very sweetly/creepily. I am roused to the sounds of you whispering. 'Ts ch kkkk tssss ssss kkkk'. Sometimes it sounds like you are trying to reach someone on a walkie talkie. I think maybe you are just being nice and giving momma and a-da a few more minutes of sleep while you play quietly by yourself.


When our eyes meet for the first time in the morning the most glorious smile spreads across your whole face and you beam and beam for a very long time.


You love it when I sing to you, it always makes you smile. I'm so happy you love music.


You LOVE LOVE LOVE the outdoors. Your favorite thing to do is swing and look up in to the trees.


Lately you have been swinging from the basement ceiling, we moved the swing there while it is so hot out. You took a nap there yesterday while I taught a voice lesson upstairs and granmommee swung you the whole time.


You touch everything. Everything.


You have two front teeth, and they are precious.


You are such a gift. I can't tell you how many times I have fallen in love with you over and over again. You have my heart, it is yours. (and daddy's!) You are my joy.

never regret it

Darling,

I have been holding you in my arms for nearly 6 months now. Some people tell me I hold you too much. "Don't you ever put that baby down?" Nope.

I have never regretted one single day of loving on you and kissing you and bouncing you on my lap. You are only little once and this is it. I have cherished your slobbery kisses and your tiny hands grabbing my hair and pulling half of it out. I love love love when you reach up and touch my face and your fingers squeeze my cheeks and chin. We have stared in to each others eyes for hours and hours and if you were able to add them up it would probably be 2 months solid.

We have our days where the laundry doesn't get folded or put away. But in 10 years all of those tiny clothes will be washed and in a box somewhere and you will be big.

Now you are beginning to reach for everything in sight. Your world is growing beyond my lap and it is bittersweet. Soon I will have to share you with the world and you will be occupied with discovery.

So for now I will revel in your tiny clothes strewn about and won't regret keeping you right on my lap.

walking those paths

This morning I found a letter my mother wrote to me 10 years ago tucked away in a corner of my journal. She wrote it to me on my 15th birthday.

"My dear little girl,

How can I express to you the grattitude I feel in my heart for you? You came to me as a gift wrapped in pink.  You were the fulfillment of all my dreams.  I loved you from the moment I knew you were coming to us.  I loved you from the moment I felt your first movement.  I loved you from the moment I first laid eyes upon you and I will never forget the excitement of that moment.  I almost lost you three months after your birth.  The following year was hard as I clung to your life with all the strength I had.  Every ounce of life was wrapped up in you.

It is much that way still.

I shall always see you as my little girl.  Curly hair, giggling personality, nature-lover, and mommy's girl.  We have shared more beautiful moments together than many mothers and daughters do in a lifetime.  I am sure of that.  We are kindred spirits.  In you I see the things I respond to.  Your poem you shared tonight at the dinner table sounds like the words which have been written on my heart for half a century,.  It delights me to see myself living on in you.  We are good!

If I died today, I would die happy because of you.  You have brought more joy into my  life than can ever be expressed.  I shall cherish forever our walks, our adventures, our discoveries, and our blessing of having time together when you were growing up.  We are still making memories as we load the dishwasher together and walk in the moonlight.  We are creating paths for you to follow with your little girl someday.  And you will then perhaps know how I can love you so very much.

I want this this day to be a very happy one.  Not because of beautiful gifts or because of new things...but because of the abundance of love you have to give and receive.  Enjoy your sweet sister, your loyal friends, and your adoring parents on this your fifteenth birthday.

This day happens only once in a lifetime!

I love you,

Mommy"

What I didn't know then was that we were literally creating paths that I would walk with my sweet Evaleigh.  This very morning we walked in the pasture and around the grounds of this home.

Mommy, I think I understand now.

forget me not

Yesterday was my first day back to church since Evaleigh was born.  

I missed it and she loved it.  

I didn't want to chance it getting there late and miss taking the sacrament, so I got myself ready and put my sleeping newborn in the car at 8:30.  

We got there at 8:40 and I changed her, dressed her, and fed her in the nursing mothers room and we were in our seats by 9:00!

The moment the music started for the service her whole body relaxed and she started smiling.  In 10 minutes she was asleep and slept the whole time.  I was so grateful!

When we came home from church, mom and I took a walk.  It was a peaceful walk and the sun was beautiful on the trees.  On the way back I saw little purple Forget-me-not flowers on the side of the road and they reminded me of this:  (it is something every woman should read or watch at least once a month!  it makes me so happy!)

The winner of the Christi Lynn Shop Giveaway is:




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 Rebekah McLain said...

I am following Christi's Blog now

February 21, 2012 10:25 AM

Congrats Rebekah!!!!  Get in touch with Christi at christi.brazee@gmail.com for your prize!

p.s.  I have some really exciting news to announce tomorrow so stay TUNED!!!

rubber band heart

Last night I finally got out.  

By my self.  

It was both the worst thing and the best thing.  

John insisted that I go after I had a bit of a break down.  Yesterday morning was my first time with Evaleigh all by my self (that is until my sister came to my rescue at 1:00).  She cried all morning and I couldn't figure out what was wrong.  It was wearing and I was feeling very inadequate.  However, I am continually amazed at the increased patience that I have for this little girl because she is mine and I love her so.

So around 7:30pm I mustered up a lot of courage to make the trek to Target.  My mother drove me because I had just popped a Percocet.  

I kissed my girlie and husband goodbye and stared at them both longingly as if I would be gone for weeks.  I looked at him and said with tear filled eyes, "You know this is my first time without her, and I'm not just talking about the two weeks she has been born.  This is the first time in 10 months I will be without her."  He assured me I would be ok and that this little trip was really something I needed. So, I summoned my stronger self, agreed, and went out the door.  I cried almost the whole way to Target while my mother offered up beautiful words of encouragement and advice.  

Now that Evaleigh is born, a piece of my heart lives outside of my body.  It is as if there is a rubber band connecting my heart to hers.  I am constantly aware of her little being and where she is.  The further we drove the more tension I felt in the distance we were stretching a part.  My heart was longing to snap right back to hers.

When we got to Target my mother dropped me off at the front like I was a middle schooler and told me to go in alone and take as much time as I'd like.  In my head I thought, "Sure mom, I'm here for Hydrogen Peroxide and that's it.  Se ya in 5, I've got a newborn to get back to!"  I walked through those glorious Target doors and instantly felt at home.  It was as if the automatic doors sprung open for me, wind rushed through my hair, and the light shone round about me.  AHHHHH! Target is a form of therapy.  No matter what I can always count on a stroll through there to get me through.

I set off to find the Peroxide.  As I was walking down the aisles all I could see were mothers and daughters everywhere.  Where did they all come from?  It was like they were taunting me.  "I love you mommy!"  "I love you too sweetheart!"  Seriously??  Where were all of the unruly children screaming and acting out?  There were sweet smiling babies cooing at their mothers and little girls bouncing next to their mothers chatting and giggling.  I stood in the hair bow aisle in a puddle of my own tears.  I must have looked pretty crazy.

Once I finally regained composure, my trip to acquire an .82 cent bottle of peroxide turned into an indulgent shopping spree.  I left with ice cream, chocolates, some soda, a laundry basket for Ev, shampoo and conditioner, 3 different breakfast items, diapers and wipes.  

Then all of the sudden I felt normal again.  My 5 minute in-and-out turned in to an hour of "me time".  John was completely right.  That little trip turned out to be just what I needed.  I came home feeling refreshed and rejuvenated.  

My rubber band snapped right back and my heart was just where it belonged.

late night seranade

Last night after my mother and I finished making (adorable!!!) curtains for Evaleigh's room, John came in to her room to join us.  We all sat in there and marveled and dreamt about what the future holds and what that room will hold.  We said night time prayers together and then mother went down to bed.  After she left I asked John if he would get out Hannah and play some music for me and EJ.

This was my first request.

I love playing and singing music together, it is one of my favorite things about our marriage.

I sat and watched him in awe.  I wanted to soak in every thing about that moment through all of the pores of my body. I have very much enjoyed cherishing all of the last moments before 'we two' become 'we three'.  Part of me wanted to freeze that moment, but I know what is ahead will be ever sweeter.  The anticipation of all of the changes that are before us are a little scary and intimidating but John has never once seemed anxious.  I ask him if he has any fears and he always replies, "No, I'm ready!"

This man was made for fatherhood and I can't wait to see it on him.

John likes to make me cry sometimes.  He knows just how to get me.  Last night he played this song for me and I tried everything I could not to let the tears drop down my cheeks but that is just an irrational thing to expect from a pregnant woman when you play a song like that.  EJ and her daddy are going to be so close.  It's hard to believe that I will get to see them together in 5 days.  Be still my very pregnant heart...

indian style

I guess one of the pros of having a breech babe are all of the extra ultrasounds you get to have.  I could never get tired of watching EJ do her thang in there.  Today she was just relaxing indian style with her bum down and her little baby hands up by her face.  We are still on a quest to turn this child.  I have been trying everything in the book.  

Want my list,my extremely effective list?

Although maybe I'm not one to be taking advice from...

round ligament massage

inversions (not too many of these, they make my head hurt...bad)

Webster adjustments (I go for round 3 this week)

cold stuff on baby's head

lots and lots of prayers and blessings

playing music near the exit...if you get my drift

a little bit of homemade acupressure (mr murphy squeezes my pinky toes and that is supposed to do something)

stretching and moving on my birthing ball to open up my hips more

What ever will be will be.  At least we know we have tried and tried.

Every day that passes is a day closer to us meeting our daughter.  And really that is all that matters. That idea keeps me going.  We are so excited.

kings and queens

Yesterday morning we got a knock on our bedroom door at 9:00am.

Mom says, "Can I come in?"

I say, "No. Let me come out there."

You see I didn't want to wake my husband who had a feverish night with a temp of 101.3.  The weirdest part of it all...I was awoken from a dream in which I was taking his temp and the thermometer said 105.7....weird.  When I woke up I felt his skin and he was burning up so I gave him some tylenol, put a cold cloth on his head, and let him drift back off to sleep.

When I opened the door, the best mother in the world was standing in the hallway with a tray full of the yummiest breakfast in bed food and yelled at the top of her lungs, "THE FIRST GIFT OF CHRISTMAS!!!!!"  (a la Tom Hanks at about 0:36 here)

I could have cried.

I'm pretty sure I was raised by the kindest most selfless person that has ever been created.  

I hope to be half the mother to EJ that my mother has been to me.

Our breakfast was complete with hot chocolate avec big marshmallows, cheese toast and jam, peppermint sticks, and fresh tart cranberries, bananas, and sliced oranges from the grove.

We ate like a king and queen in bed.

It was the perfect start to a day full of present wrapping, Christmas card sending, laundry, working, and teaching.  
The long day ended with my hips up on the couch, John Mayer playing on my iPhone near my pelvis, and ice packs on the top of my tummy.  I only stayed in that position for 10 minutes because two certain king sized somethings on my chest were suffocating me.
No turning response from the little girl in my belly but all in all a pretty wonderful day.
Maybe we're just playing the wrong music...Hubs thinks we need some of this.


p.s. Thanks Bridge for the feature.

I got what I wanted I got what I wanted!!!!

Tuesday we went to have a 4d ultrasound done of our little lady.

This place in Buckhead is amazing because not only do they give you dozens of pictures BUT they record the entire ultrasound session and you take home a DVD and watch it again and again.  Or if you are like me, you fall asleep while watching it sitting up in bed then you wake up with a ferocious neck cramp.  YOWZA.  

I blame pregnancy narcolepsy.

We took my mother and I am oh so glad.  There is nothing like seeing her get so excited to see her granddaughter.  

EJ is one lucky broad.  

Her other Grammy even stayed up and anxiously awaited the pictures to be sent to her via email and fawned over each and every one.

It is a miracle to see that little thing in there moving around.  It was like peeking in to heaven.  

We got to see her open and close her tiny fists, stick out her tongue, drink some amniotic fluid (YUM!), stretch her neck back, and smile.  

SMILE.

Truly, one of the happiest moments of my life so far.  

I was talking to her and I said, "Evaleigh, you are SO beautiful"  and in that very moment...she smiled.  It was like she heard me.  Pure coincidence, perfect timing?  I'm just not sure but that baby girl gave her mama the best gift she could that day.

The ultrasound tech said that she had some seriously rockin' lips. 

I GOT WHAT I WANTED I GOT WHAT I WANTED!

EJ has her daddy's plump lips.

Is it bad if I admit that that is something I literally prayed for?

Here is our little contortionist.  She had all four limbs right up next to her beautiful face.  

We got 79 pictures but I am sure that they are not all as exciting to everyone else as they are to us so I will use a great deal of will power and restrain myself and just post two. 

(even though i'd like to show off her glorious profile her foot and nose and lips and long fingers and her elbows and the hair that the tech said she already has and about 20 angles of the killer pouty lips she is sporting.)

I'm going to be one of those moms.  

Hold me back.

worth it

This past weekend I turned 24.  It feels pretty darn old.

Since when did the phrase, "I'm married and have a baby on the way" become a part of my vocabulary?  

Oh right, somewhere around May 15th...

Growing older is so much fun.  I love my life now more than I ever have.  I feel so much gratitude for the things in my life at this time.  

my husband

my baby

my family

my mother

my job

my home

my health

my testimony

my time

my freedom

my savior

However, the past 6 months have not been so easy.

My parents divorced in April this year after 26 years of marriage.  It has been a trial that has come with an enormous amount of pain and sadness.

I can say however, that it has in turn strengthened my own marriage and urged me to look deeper in to my relationship.

For the past six months John and I have been living with my mother in her beautiful country home.

It has been such a blessing to us and to her.  At first it was extremely difficult to make the transition from just the two of us (me and Mr. Murphy) to adding a third person to our home life.  Granted, this third person was some one whom I cared deeply for and loved with all of my heart, it was still very hard.  I wasn't very happy about the situation and felt that I had lost so much by moving back home.  I felt like I was less of a wife and that I didn't have my own space.  Our freedom had changed.

I have since then come to realize that I didn't loose anything.

I gained more than I could have ever expected.

I am overwhelmed with thanks that we are where we are at this time.  I feel so happy that I get to have this sliver of time here with my mother.  I know that she won't always be around and I am so lucky that I get to spend my days with her.  She is going to be such an incredible grandmother to our baby EJ and we are forming even stronger bonds now that will last the rest of eternity. 

My heart is full.

(pictures from my birthday date this past weekend with my mother.  the day included shopping, steak and shake, meeting and talking to wonderful strangers, and heart speaking to heart)

i love crowds.

Ladies and Gentlemen (if any gentlemen even read this blog),

Fall is coming.  

We all know that.

But let's just take a moment and revel in that fact....

*
*
Breathe in deep,

*
*

take it in,
*
*
now release.

*
*
*
*

*

Ah!

That was good, wasn't it?

Now, I need to get something off of my chest.

I love people.

I love people watching.

I love crowds.

I love traffic.

I love big cities.

I love festivals.

I love fall.

I REALLY love fall festivals.

In fact, I want to go to a festival or gathering of some sort every weekend until my little crowd loving heart (or pregnant feet) cannot take it anymore.

This weekend my mother, hubs, and I went to the Atlanta Arts Festival at Piedmont Park.

(once you are pregnant it it a must that you hold your belly in every photo)

We enjoyed fine art, visiting with my uncle (who was one of the featured artists at the festival), fajitas from Figs & Honey, gelato from Honeysuckle, and music by The Whiskey Gentry Band.

Despite what my face is saying here, we were really happy to purchase two INCREDIBLE prints by Kendra Baird.

Her work really spoke to us.

We bought one print for EJ's room and one for ours.

We are finally making some headway on EJ's nursery and this lovely mustard is no doubt included in her color scheme which I was so worried about picking.

Next stop...this one 

http://www.theatlantachilicookoff.com/

$10 for all you can eat chili, cornbread, and Brunswick stew! 

Yes to that...but with all of that chili I think we'll be riding home with the windows down.

22.

22 weeks

We are moving right along.

I feel like time is speeding up in a way.

Fall is most certainly making an appearance outside of our house.

I am loving every second of it.

This Friday after hubs and I went to the temple together, we went out for sushi and then got our own makings for hot chocolate.

It was a date night for the books for sure, but it was simple.  It felt like we were dating again.  We giggled and talked the whole time.

We went home, put on sweat pants, and snuggled up in bed and watched The Cosby's.  

I love simple nights like that.

22 weeks has brought some amazing feelings.

I am only just now starting to feel our daughter kick...by far one of the most indescribable things I have ever experienced.

Our little girl must love music just like us because every time I have felt her move it has been while listening to music.

Th other night we were playing opera for her on my iPhone and she went to town kicking and moving.

This past Thursday I was in Atlanta recording a CD with the HVP and she was loving the sounds and started kicking then too during our recording session.

Then this Saturday we had a girls night over at my house and my friend Lauren started to play Avett Brothers on the piano and then yet again...she started kicking.

I cherish every single one of those movements.

I love feeling her move inside of me.  I can't believe that I am providing the home for our daughter to form and grow until she is ready to enter this world.

Often times I look so forward to the day when she gets here but then I stop and realize, "Wait, she IS already here!"

My mother always says to me that I should enjoy every stage of being pregnant and being a mother.  She tells me never to say, "I can't wait til..."  

Because I should live each moment in gratitude for the present.