little yoda

Well its been quite a while.  I've been so incredibly busy with my mothers wedding, traveling, keeping up with a very busy one year old, sneaking in some much needed snuggling time with my hard working husband, and designing 8 blogs. (Which is a huge blessing!)  

Oh yeah, my mom got married...

I knew that day would eventually come.  It was an interesting emotional roller-coaster experiencing one of my parents getting married.  My sister and I had countless conversations about it and I feel so lucky to have had her through it all.  Knowing that she is the perfect one to understand just how I felt in the situation gave me so much strength.  The day was filled with the perfect amounts of happiness and 'wow...this is a little weird.' I never thought I would be a kid with divorced parents but seeing them both so happy with their new companions makes me feel at ease.  I love knowing that they are living fulfilling lives.  It took a while to get to that state of mind but I am there and I know that with time it will keep getting better.

(These pictures have nothing to do with this post.  They are just adorable and I love Evie's yoda ears.  Sometimes I think they are just going to fly right off of her face.  I think she was 6 months old here.  Gosh I love her.)

this year will be different

This morning as I stood over my waffles and buttered them up, I cried.  

Perhaps it was a wave of pregnancy hormones or perhaps it was that I got syrup on my shirt but it was a cry that needed to come out.

This year the holidays are going to be different.  I'm not quite sure how to handle them yet.  

Since my parents divorce this year I have tried to be quite strong.  The fact that we will not all be together completely as a family again is staring me in the face, especially during this time of year.  

No matter what, someone will be alone.  

No matter what someone will have their feelings hurt.  

As a tender-hearted person I can hardly let this fact enter my mind without pain.

My sister and I have gone round and round about how to do the holidays this year so that things can go as smoothly as possible.  It is all of the sudden so complicated, there are so many feelings and tender emotions involved.

Suddenly traditions have become a little painful and we are earnestly trying to create new joyful things to do.

Parents dating, people moving on, new faces and personalities to get used to...I didn't ever expect for these things to join our lives.

Then in the midst of all of this worry and fear of the unknown something important surfaced in my mind.  

I have one thing to truly concern myself with.

MY family.

John, Rachel, and Evaleigh.

Something my brother Steve told me when my parents were first divorcing was that once you are married you start a new unit.  Your family is then your husband and the children that come along.

After you create that unit, that is the most important thing you have.

I am finding this now to be ever so true.

There will always be turmoil and trial outside of our little family of 3, and undoubtedly in due time inside our family too, but I mustn't let these other things consume me.

I am happy, John is happy, and after seeing a sweet smile on EJ's face yesterday during her ultrasound, I know that she is happy too.  We are going to give her the best home and the best love that we know how.  We will learn as we go and try to always tell her how beautiful she is and how much we love and cherish her.

Sure, this year will be different but everything is going to be ok.  

I am full of hope.

worth it

This past weekend I turned 24.  It feels pretty darn old.

Since when did the phrase, "I'm married and have a baby on the way" become a part of my vocabulary?  

Oh right, somewhere around May 15th...

Growing older is so much fun.  I love my life now more than I ever have.  I feel so much gratitude for the things in my life at this time.  

my husband

my baby

my family

my mother

my job

my home

my health

my testimony

my time

my freedom

my savior

However, the past 6 months have not been so easy.

My parents divorced in April this year after 26 years of marriage.  It has been a trial that has come with an enormous amount of pain and sadness.

I can say however, that it has in turn strengthened my own marriage and urged me to look deeper in to my relationship.

For the past six months John and I have been living with my mother in her beautiful country home.

It has been such a blessing to us and to her.  At first it was extremely difficult to make the transition from just the two of us (me and Mr. Murphy) to adding a third person to our home life.  Granted, this third person was some one whom I cared deeply for and loved with all of my heart, it was still very hard.  I wasn't very happy about the situation and felt that I had lost so much by moving back home.  I felt like I was less of a wife and that I didn't have my own space.  Our freedom had changed.

I have since then come to realize that I didn't loose anything.

I gained more than I could have ever expected.

I am overwhelmed with thanks that we are where we are at this time.  I feel so happy that I get to have this sliver of time here with my mother.  I know that she won't always be around and I am so lucky that I get to spend my days with her.  She is going to be such an incredible grandmother to our baby EJ and we are forming even stronger bonds now that will last the rest of eternity. 

My heart is full.

(pictures from my birthday date this past weekend with my mother.  the day included shopping, steak and shake, meeting and talking to wonderful strangers, and heart speaking to heart)

Choosing Happiness

I am choosing to end a rut today.

I am choosing gratitude.

I am choosing happiness.

I have been horribly sad the past few months. I haven't talked about this much but 2 months ago in April, my parents divorced.  It was a huge surprise to me.  After 26 years of marriage everything came to an end.

It has been an incredibly difficult thing for me to wrap my head around.  I have spent many tear filled hours trying to understand why life turns out the way it does.

I suppose it all comes down to our choices.

We all have within ourselves the power to choose.  

I can choose to eat jello for all 3 meals of the day.  I can choose to go to the antique mall 3 times in one week.  I can choose to do my laundry or to let it sit.  I can choose to take 15 minutes to have a meaningful conversation with someone or I can let the moment pass me by.  I can choose to be happy or I can choose to give way to my negative emotions.

Today I am going to choose to be happy.

I am going to try to understand why the Lord has put me where I am at this time.  John and I have moved in with my mother to help her out during this hard time.  We are living the home that I grew up in. 

Even though we know this is where we are supposed to be right now, I haven't exactly been the easiest person to live with.

I have been sulking around and complaining that I don't have a place of my own.  I have felt like less of a wife.  I have been so much less productive.  I haven't been cooking or taking pride in my own little area of the house.  I have been sad to have left our friends and life in Atlanta.  I have been being so negative.

I can't believe how ungrateful I have been.

I need to focus on the blessings of this situation.

Because we are living here I am able to see my wondeful mother everyday.

Because we are living here we are living rent free.

Because we are here we are able to save money and work to get out of the small debts that we have.

Because we are living here we are able to enjoy candle lit evenings on the porch.

Because we are here we have a snugly puppy to make us laugh and smile.

Because we are here I can look in to the lightening bug glitter filled woods in our back yard.

Because we are living here it has become possible for us to have our baby!!

I am going to try to make this place my home again.  

I am going to reclaim my wifely duties and start doing the things that I enjoy again.

I am going to wake up each morning with a resolve to choose happiness.

(This picture really has nothing to do with this post except that John Murphy sure does make it easier to be happy.  That and we went to the Glenn Murphy Ranch last weekend for Father's Day.  I love my happy ranching husband.)