there is nothing hotter...

than a man in a Baby Bjorn.  

Then add a stache in to the mix...and you get this.  Emm emm emm.

Yesterday we finally discovered the magic that is the Baby Bjorn. It may be the most valuable hand-me-down we received, ever.  (Thanks Brit!)  

When John got home and I told him about those special powers of the Bjorn he said, "We need to write them a thank you note."  Its true, we should.

Baby Bjorn + Brit = lifesavers

I had tried my beautiful Sienna Moby Wrap with EJ and she. was. not. having. it.  

I just can't quite figure it out yet.  I'm not sure if its because she was breech the whole time I was pregnant with her but this little girl loves to be upright.  I'm going to pull the Moby back out in another month or so, maybe she'll change her tune about it by then.

She took two 3 hours naps in that thing yesterday and I've never been more productive.  I did 3 loads of laundry, and ACTUALLY put them up.  I stuffed and prepared all of Ev's diapers for the day.  I also cleaned the nursery, our bedroom, and the living room in preparation for Ev's first playdate with little Annie.  Sadly, we did not get a picture of the girls together.  Natalie brought us delicious vegan scones from Dulce Vegan Bakery in Decatur, the chocolate lavender scone was to die for!  Thanks for a fun day Natalie!  Go to their facebook page and look through their food and try not to drool.  That chocolate pear pie...I have to get out there.

I can foresee this Bjorn becoming part of our routine.  I found myself wearing it with Ev this morning at 6am in my skivvies bouncing on the bouncy ball in the nursery when she couldn't sleep.  

I was desperate and it worked like a charm.  The things we do for our children...

Have a lovely weekend hopefully filled with scones and pie!

the day we gained new names- part 2

part 1 here

********

Soon after I got back in to the room the anesthesiologist came in with an army of people behind her.  (Truly it was probably only 2 more people but when your 'lady business' is out there and you are slightly in zee nude, any more than 1 feels like an army.)  I wish I could remember that woman's name because she was so gentle and made the entire process a whole lot less scary than what I had anticipated.  I don't know why people like to regale horror birth stories to you when you are pregnant, but I had heard some of the worst about c section births and epidurals. 

My experience was the complete opposite.

My angel anesthesiologist talked me through every single thing she was doing.  She put a local anesthetic on my lower back while she inserted in the epidural needle in to my spine.  Honestly it wasn't painful in the slightest.  There was only the smallest pinch, getting the IV was much worse than the epidural.  Then she began to put the medicine in to the epidural and told me I would experience some mild cramping in my hips as it went in.  I had none.  There was maybe a bit of tightening but I wouldn't have characterized it as cramping.  The whole time I was breathing in and out as deeply as I could.  It helped.

John held my hand through the whole process.  His big hand enveloped mine and I squeezed it as hard as I could just so I could feel closer to him in the last moments before our lives would change forever.  I felt so peaceful with him by my side.  At that moment they could have done anything to me and I wouldn't have cared.  Evaleigh and John were the only things on my mind.  The anticipation of KNOWING we would meet our daughter in a matter of minutes was heaven.  

After they finished with everything they rolled me back on to my side.  At that point the numbness was trickling down my legs.  All of the sudden things felt heavy.  A man came to me with a cold ice pack and put it against my arm.  "Do you feel how cold that is?  I'm going to start down near your pelvis and move the cold upwards and I want you to tell me when you can feel the cold again."  It was a fun game, but not a game I would ever cheat at.  The very moment I felt the slightest cold, I made it known.  He would come back every few minutes and we would play that game again.  While I was waiting to numb up I remember the nurse telling John a couple times, "Mr. Murphy you don't have to put on your OR clothes yet."  I think he was nervous about when to put them on, it was pretty darn cute. When I couldn't even tell the man was touching me with the ice pack anymore, it was time to go to the operating room.  They wheeled me out of pre-op and down the mile long hallway.  The hallway lights above me were passing so fast.

We arrived at the operating room and my heart felt so warm.  I felt like I was almost in a dream-like state because of how happy I was about what was about to happen.  There were over a dozen people in the room buzzing about shouting orders.  There were so many things happening all at once it was hard to keep up.  They transferred me on to the operating table by some sort of blow up mattress thing, I actually enjoyed the ride.  A big black guy said in a happy booming voice, "Girl, looks like you enjoyed that ride.  Its nice to see someone happy about this for once.  Looks like your baby is going to have a nice smile too!"  I felt pumped.  All I could think was, "LET'S DO THIS!!!"  John came in to the room in his blue OR clothes and they put the sheet up in front of my face so I couldn't see anything.  Time felt like it was passing so quickly.

John took my hand and I said to Dr. Sun, whom I LOVE, "Tell me when you start!"  She replied, "We actually started about two minutes ago."  That was a shocking moment.  I looked up at the nurse standing above me.  He had his hands on my shoulders and was looking over the sheet and then I noticed....the reflection in his glasses.  I could see my doctor cutting my body open!  I had a very quick internal battle, to watch or not to watch.  When red was mostly what I saw, my sissy self won.  I looked over at my sweet John who was looking back and forth between me and where our baby would be born.  


His beautiful brown eyes were such a comfort to me.  He whispered to me, "You're doing great!"  Little did I know he was watching the nurses play tug of war with the sides of my stomach to get EJ out.  He said the moment they cut my uterus open both of her little feet popped out right away.  There was no doubt about it, she was a breech baby.


I heard the nurses mumbling something about who was going to sing soprano, alto, tenor, and bass.  I thought maybe it was the anesthesia talking.  Then the most glorious thing happened, Dr. Sun said, 


"Somebody call it!"  


"1:19!"   


"Uh one-two-three...Happy Birthday to you...."


The whole hospital staff surrounded me and Evaleigh and began a beautifully sung rendition of "Happy Birthday" mingled with cries of my newborn baby.  She came in to the world surrounded by singing, it was so fitting.  Her tiny cry was the most heavenly thing I had ever heard.  I felt connected to her immediately.  I couldn't see her but I could hear her, and in that moment, it was enough.  


I got to meet her voice.  


I savored every particle of sound that was coming out of her. Tears were running down my cheeks and all I could do was close my eyes and take in that most sacred moment.  John was talking me through what they were doing, he did not leave my side.  He was clenching my hand while standing up and watching everything they were doing to our little girl.  It felt like only moments and then they brought her over to us and John held her for the first time.  He brought her down close to me.


Then I got to meet her body.

It was the most wonderful thing I had ever experienced.  I lay there completely aware of only her.  It was a face that I had never imagined and then I knew why I had never dreamed of her while I was pregnant. I could have never imagined a face so perfect and lovely.  It was such an overwhelming and indescribable feeling to look in to the face of some one who was half of me and half of John.  I got to put my hands on her and tell her how much I loved her and how beautiful she was.  She wasn't crying anymore.  She was so alert and I could tell she was loving her firsts moments of life.  I wanted to know what she was thinking and how she felt.

They finished sewing and stapling me back up and then they moved us to a recovery room.  There they gave EJ her first bath and then they put her tiny naked body on to my skin.  I held her so carefully and smelled her delicious skin.  She felt so soft and her movements felt familiar.  The nurses left and I was able to try and nurse her for the first time.

John and I were glued to her and we talked about our feelings and how much we loved her.  Those were powerful moments as it was the first time with just the 3 of us all alone.  I loved it.  The room felt holy,  you could feel that it was a place in which new life entered in to quite often.  All around us we could hear cries of other new babies who had just been brought in to the world.  It was our haven where we could be quiet and take in every bit of her.

After some time passed we were able to go to our hospital room and family came up to meet her.  I was so proud to introduce her to my family and to watch John's protective nature kick in.  We spent 4 days there recovering, healing, and learning about our new baby girl.  

From that day on we gained the new and honorable names of mother and father.


We love our new names.

the day we gained new names- part 1

I'm not really sure how to begin this story of the most sacred day of our lives.  In fact I have tried to write it several times and have had trouble trying to get it out.  I'm positive that these simple words will not give that day the honor that it surely deserves, however I am going to attempt to recount that beautiful day before the precious details slip my mind.  The mere thought of the feelings and emotions that were present then make me cry.

***

Evaleigh had a mind of her own from the beginning.  I struggled quite a bit with the idea of having to deliver c-section due to Ev's breech presentation.  After much prayer and thought John and I decided that it was the best decision to try all that we could naturally to get her to turn.  We thought that if she made the turn on her own then we would proceed with our planned natural birth but if not, we would make what we believed to be the safest decision for our child and have the recommended scheduled Cesarean section birth.  

Our prayers changed from "Please help Evaleigh to turn so we can have a natural birth" to "Please keep her safe and let her be in whatever position is best for her."  Days would pass and still no change.  I began to prepare for my birth experience in a very different way than I had imagine my whole life.  It was difficult and not without many many tears and heartache.  After countless supportive and encouraging emails, messages, phone calls, and shared personal experiences from friends, I began to feel hope.  I felt hope that our birthing experience, come what may, would be nothing less because it was not a natural birth.

Monday night, the night before our scheduled c section, my sister and her husband came over and we all played cards until about midnight.  No big deal, we were just going to stay up late because its not like we were having a baby in the morning or anything.  We really enjoyed our last baby-free night.  I fully aniticipated to sleep horribly, much like Christmas Eve when you wake up at 3am and realize you have to go back to sleep and then again at 5 and 6:30 and then you can finally get out of bed at 8.  
I slept solid until 8am.  It was such a blessing.
My mother fixed everyone breakfast and I was forced to smell delicious bacon and bread and not eat anything because of the surgery.

I showered and everything was so surreal. We got everything ready and packed the car.  When John and I drove out of the driveway we held hands and and I said, "Next time we are on this driveway we will be 3."  We listened to soothing classical piano music the whole way there.  It was such a surreal drive.  We had driven those roads and highways hundreds and hundreds of times and this time felt the same, familiar and right.  The roads were leading us to our daughter.  We got to the hospital and left all of our things in the car.  It felt weird walking into the hospital with nothing but a purse on my shoulder, I felt like I needed more than that to accomplish this huge feat that was ahead of me.  But all I really needed was my body, my strong and capable body that had courageously held this beautiful baby for nearly 10 months. 
We checked in at the front desk and the excitement was bubbling up inside of me.  I sat there holding the hand of the man I made this child with; it felt perfect and whole and right.  My mother and sister arrived shortly after us and the nurses took me back to my pre-op room.  I swear the walk there was a mile or more.  Once we got inside I changed in to my hospital gown.  

I recieved my IV and they drew some blood.  John took care of everything, reading all of the necessary papers and then he would just have me sign.  Every little task was taking us one step closer to meeting our daughter, that precious tiny thing we had made together.
After all of my prep work was done my family was allowed to come in.  My father came in parading the most embarrassingly large pink unicorn (of which has since gained the name Feathers) and a beautiful bouquet of delicate pink roses.  I don't know if I have ever seen his face so happy.

My husband, my mother, my father, and my sister were all gathered around me.  I was surrounded by the people that I love the most and that love me the most and inside me was a new person that we would all love even more together.  I felt secure and confident.  I felt supported and protected.  The moments were passed with exchanges of. "I can't believe this moment is really here!" and "I'm so excited!" phrases.  It was all so blissful.  The nurse came in and said, "Ok mom, 15 minutes til!"  My heart lept!  We would be meeting our daughter in a matter of minutes.  I had one more thing I wanted to do...try and use the bathroom.
I rolled my IV in to the bathroom with me and sat down and had a quiet moment to myself.  I said a prayer and told Evaleigh how excited I was to meet her.  It was as if that moment froze.  It was our last moment together just the two of us while I still had her all to my self.  It was a sacred moment to me.  I told her that she was about to come in to the big world and I promised her then and there that I would do all I could to protect her and be the best mother I could.  I rubbed my belly, took one last glance at my pregnant self in the mirror, and then went back to my room to receive my epidural.  
We were going to have a baby.
It was go time.

part 2 here

indian style

I guess one of the pros of having a breech babe are all of the extra ultrasounds you get to have.  I could never get tired of watching EJ do her thang in there.  Today she was just relaxing indian style with her bum down and her little baby hands up by her face.  We are still on a quest to turn this child.  I have been trying everything in the book.  

Want my list,my extremely effective list?

Although maybe I'm not one to be taking advice from...

round ligament massage

inversions (not too many of these, they make my head hurt...bad)

Webster adjustments (I go for round 3 this week)

cold stuff on baby's head

lots and lots of prayers and blessings

playing music near the exit...if you get my drift

a little bit of homemade acupressure (mr murphy squeezes my pinky toes and that is supposed to do something)

stretching and moving on my birthing ball to open up my hips more

What ever will be will be.  At least we know we have tried and tried.

Every day that passes is a day closer to us meeting our daughter.  And really that is all that matters. That idea keeps me going.  We are so excited.