i'm feeling behind...

(21 weeks)

Yesterday I called my mother in an anxious panic with a tear filled sound in my voice.

"Mama, I don't know ANYTHING about birthing babies!"

She assured me that there have been plenty of people who have given birth to babies without ever opening a book.

I have been feeling so far behind.

I haven't read any books.

I haven't taken birth classes. (or even looked at how to sign up for them)

I haven't researched products I need or want.

I haven't started getting serious about decorating EJ's room.

I don't even know the colors I want to use.

We haven't officially decided on cloth diapering or disposables.

I haven't really felt Evaleigh move a whole lot...stupid anterior placenta.

I just feel....so unprepared.

I suppose this all sounds cray-cray.  But I think I let my pregnancy hormones get the best of be this past week.

There is something that clicked inside of my head when I noticed that we hit the half-way point.

I realized that time wise all I have left to do is what I've already done. (I'll just be doing it fatter)

I have all of these fears and this anticipation of hope that I'll be a good mother.

It is what I have always wanted to be, ever since I was a little girl myself.  But now that this moment is finally upon me, I am realizing more and more that being a mother is an incredibly huge and sacred responsibility.

It's a good thing I have the perfect example to emulate.

(me, mother, sister)

i'll eat that sour cream for you

This weekend I went with my soul friend to the Yellow Daisy Festival at Stone Mountain.

It is voted one of the top five arts & crafts shows in the nation.

Did someone say ARTS AND CRAFTS?! Oh, I'm there!

I grabbed some Green Apple and Blue Raspberry Italian Shaved Ice and Lisa got a burrito from Enrique's Place and we began our trek through the forest lined with hopeful vendors.

It was so much fun to walk through the woods in the coolness and shade of the trees.  The wind would blow just enough to remind us that fall is on its way.  

There was a lady selling homemade drink mixes and we were able to sample some of them.  We tried the Caramel Apple Cider and my eyes got wide and I could taste fall!  

I left with two bags of hand-ground Pioneer Porridge and Ground White Grits.  I can't wait to have them for breakfast.

When we left Lisa and I went to the Atlanta Temple for a few hours.  

I love the temple so much.  

It is such a place of peace and comfort to me.  I was so happy to have been able to take my daughter inside with me!  

I could feel her excitement as we were inside there together and she began to move around.  

I felt so relaxed and hopeful for the rest of my life as I sat in the temple and contemplated silently.  

I am so grateful for the opportunity to be able to go inside the temple and leave all of my cares behind and have time to feel like spirit and feel God's love for me.  

(and I know Evaleigh felt it too!)