With the imminent arrival of this new little person coming to our family my thoughts have been filled with the anticipation of change.
I have felt so nervous about how I will ever make room in my heart to love another baby as much as I love Evaleigh. Since I have become her mother I have experienced this intense love like nothing I could have ever imagined. It has taken a space in my heart so large that I just can't fathom there being room enough for another. I was talking to my sister-in-law the other day about these exact feelings and she knew just what I meant. She has four children and she said with each new pregnancy she felt the same way and wondered how she could love someone new just as much. I loved the way she explained it and its exactly how I feel right now.
She said preparing for the next baby is like going on a blind date.
I wonder every day what it will be like. Will he like me? Will we bond right away? What will we have to talk about? There are just so many unknowns. I just don't even know. This pregnancy has been so different because I have been swept up in my Evaleigh's every move. I am so busy soaking in the last bits of her only childness. I haven't had the belly rubbing daydreaming time that I had with EJ which has somehow caused a bit of a disconnect with this pregnancy. There are days I don't even remember I'm pregnant til I lay down for the night and he starts kicking away.
The reality that we will have a newborn here in about 7 or 8 weeks is really starting to set in. I had a moment in church on Sunday where I was watching a family who have 4 and 2 year old girls and a 5 month old little boy. Those girls were all over that baby and I couldn't help but tear up. They were being little mommies to their baby brother trying to give him a bottle and hold him and my heart felt warm. I am grateful that Avett will have Evaleigh as a big sister and the thought of seeing her grow up with him makes that space in my heart seem a little more capable of stretching. Perhaps there will be plenty of room.