Yesterday I called my mother in an anxious panic with a tear filled sound in my voice.
"Mama, I don't know ANYTHING about birthing babies!"
She assured me that there have been plenty of people who have given birth to babies without ever opening a book.
I have been feeling so far behind.
I haven't read any books.
I haven't taken birth classes. (or even looked at how to sign up for them)
I haven't researched products I need or want.
I haven't started getting serious about decorating EJ's room.
I don't even know the colors I want to use.
We haven't officially decided on cloth diapering or disposables.
I haven't really felt Evaleigh move a whole lot...stupid anterior placenta.
I just feel....so unprepared.
I suppose this all sounds cray-cray. But I think I let my pregnancy hormones get the best of be this past week.
There is something that clicked inside of my head when I noticed that we hit the half-way point.
I realized that time wise all I have left to do is what I've already done. (I'll just be doing it fatter)
I have all of these fears and this anticipation of hope that I'll be a good mother.
It is what I have always wanted to be, ever since I was a little girl myself. But now that this moment is finally upon me, I am realizing more and more that being a mother is an incredibly huge and sacred responsibility.
It's a good thing I have the perfect example to emulate.
(me, mother, sister)