The is a moment in the morning when I get Avett out of his crib with a cup of "ca-chit milk" ready to go. He asks for me to grab all three of his blankies out of the crib with grunts and points and then I wrap him up in my arms. I go downstairs, usually to the soundtrack of Evaleigh's many questions which have already started, and I flop down in the blue rocking chair recliner. I stare in to his beautiful eyes and stroke his hair and for a moment we snuggle like we used to when he was so little. It's one of the calmer moments of the day.
I find a lot of peace in the moment and I try to savor it just a bit more because I know what lies ahead. Avett is not exactly what I'd call an easy child. I adore and love him endlessly but the past 6 months he has tested my patience in motherhood in ways that have driven me to the edge of my limits. It has taken me to my knees in prayer many times since and the answer I get almost every time is, "just be there for him." It is easy to get caught up in the tasks of the day and when he is wailing at my knees and pushing me as hard as he can away from dinner or laundry or lunch it is so challenging for me to find that balance.
While I finally feel like I am seeing some light at the end of the six month long tunnel there are still moments when he is just inconsolable. I am glad however that they have moved from days to moments. I've never been able to figure out exactly a method with him that is dependable. I just don't remember Evaleigh being this difficult. It is frustrating as his mom not to have the answers all of the time.
I know I am supposed to be learning a lesson from all of this. And I just hope that whatever it is that I am actually learning it and changing the way that God wants me to. I feel like He has been molding me with this trial of the last 6 months with Avett. I want to grow and I want to be stretched and changed for the better and for certain that is what my children help me to do.
Well I'm off to clean up from the day and rearrange the living room while John Murphy studies for his Finance test tomorrow. I'm looking forward to a quiet lonesome night with some music and my thoughts.