the day we gained new names- part 1

I'm not really sure how to begin this story of the most sacred day of our lives.  In fact I have tried to write it several times and have had trouble trying to get it out.  I'm positive that these simple words will not give that day the honor that it surely deserves, however I am going to attempt to recount that beautiful day before the precious details slip my mind.  The mere thought of the feelings and emotions that were present then make me cry.

***

Evaleigh had a mind of her own from the beginning.  I struggled quite a bit with the idea of having to deliver c-section due to Ev's breech presentation.  After much prayer and thought John and I decided that it was the best decision to try all that we could naturally to get her to turn.  We thought that if she made the turn on her own then we would proceed with our planned natural birth but if not, we would make what we believed to be the safest decision for our child and have the recommended scheduled Cesarean section birth.  

Our prayers changed from "Please help Evaleigh to turn so we can have a natural birth" to "Please keep her safe and let her be in whatever position is best for her."  Days would pass and still no change.  I began to prepare for my birth experience in a very different way than I had imagine my whole life.  It was difficult and not without many many tears and heartache.  After countless supportive and encouraging emails, messages, phone calls, and shared personal experiences from friends, I began to feel hope.  I felt hope that our birthing experience, come what may, would be nothing less because it was not a natural birth.

Monday night, the night before our scheduled c section, my sister and her husband came over and we all played cards until about midnight.  No big deal, we were just going to stay up late because its not like we were having a baby in the morning or anything.  We really enjoyed our last baby-free night.  I fully aniticipated to sleep horribly, much like Christmas Eve when you wake up at 3am and realize you have to go back to sleep and then again at 5 and 6:30 and then you can finally get out of bed at 8.  
I slept solid until 8am.  It was such a blessing.
My mother fixed everyone breakfast and I was forced to smell delicious bacon and bread and not eat anything because of the surgery.

I showered and everything was so surreal. We got everything ready and packed the car.  When John and I drove out of the driveway we held hands and and I said, "Next time we are on this driveway we will be 3."  We listened to soothing classical piano music the whole way there.  It was such a surreal drive.  We had driven those roads and highways hundreds and hundreds of times and this time felt the same, familiar and right.  The roads were leading us to our daughter.  We got to the hospital and left all of our things in the car.  It felt weird walking into the hospital with nothing but a purse on my shoulder, I felt like I needed more than that to accomplish this huge feat that was ahead of me.  But all I really needed was my body, my strong and capable body that had courageously held this beautiful baby for nearly 10 months. 
We checked in at the front desk and the excitement was bubbling up inside of me.  I sat there holding the hand of the man I made this child with; it felt perfect and whole and right.  My mother and sister arrived shortly after us and the nurses took me back to my pre-op room.  I swear the walk there was a mile or more.  Once we got inside I changed in to my hospital gown.  

I recieved my IV and they drew some blood.  John took care of everything, reading all of the necessary papers and then he would just have me sign.  Every little task was taking us one step closer to meeting our daughter, that precious tiny thing we had made together.
After all of my prep work was done my family was allowed to come in.  My father came in parading the most embarrassingly large pink unicorn (of which has since gained the name Feathers) and a beautiful bouquet of delicate pink roses.  I don't know if I have ever seen his face so happy.

My husband, my mother, my father, and my sister were all gathered around me.  I was surrounded by the people that I love the most and that love me the most and inside me was a new person that we would all love even more together.  I felt secure and confident.  I felt supported and protected.  The moments were passed with exchanges of. "I can't believe this moment is really here!" and "I'm so excited!" phrases.  It was all so blissful.  The nurse came in and said, "Ok mom, 15 minutes til!"  My heart lept!  We would be meeting our daughter in a matter of minutes.  I had one more thing I wanted to do...try and use the bathroom.
I rolled my IV in to the bathroom with me and sat down and had a quiet moment to myself.  I said a prayer and told Evaleigh how excited I was to meet her.  It was as if that moment froze.  It was our last moment together just the two of us while I still had her all to my self.  It was a sacred moment to me.  I told her that she was about to come in to the big world and I promised her then and there that I would do all I could to protect her and be the best mother I could.  I rubbed my belly, took one last glance at my pregnant self in the mirror, and then went back to my room to receive my epidural.  
We were going to have a baby.
It was go time.

part 2 here