We spent the whole day at Stock Gap yesterday. It was good for my heart. Yesterday would have been my parents 31st anniversary. I don't know that anyone thought of it except that I mentioned it to my sister in a whisper. I don't suppose it should have even been mentioned anyway but still...it was interesting. I feel so at peace and even happy for how things turned out for my parents. I feel at peace with their new lives and how we all fit together in one crazy blended family now. They are both remarried to great matches and my sister and I have come to accept and love them as have our husbands and children, although they never knew anything different.
After the divorce some relationship dynamics changed for a while and I'm coming to terms with the fact that that's ok. It's hard for families to split apart and then to find how they fit back together and where everyone lands and how. I suppose it's like shaking up a bottle of soda, everything bubbles and is crazy for a bit and then it eventually settles down and you can see clearly again.
I've been praying for that clarity so often and I'm so grateful for the bits that come to me in time.
Yesterday after a big meal everyone scattered to do different things while mom and I had some time to ourselves to clean the kitchen. I don't know why in sharing that mundane task and exchanging conversation amidst it all I felt like a piece of my heart flew back and a crack was filled. After I mentioned that we won't all fit around the dining room table much longer I was listening to her tell me about how a long time ago Grandmother Virginia Shepherd offered her a huge table that sat 14 or 16 and that she is now sad she didn't take it. I felt happy hearing her share that simple story. I walked around collecting crumbs and and clearing the table and it just felt good to be two women at work. A mother and a daughter doing something that mothers and daughters have done millions of times together. I'm not quite sure why yet, but I cherished it. I'm grateful for her wisdom and her experience and I want to learn from it.
The rest of our time was filled with crying babies, happy messy dirty children, and sporadic conversation mingled with requests from toddlers and kids. It was good for me, so good.