why

Oh dear Avett.  What do I do with you and what would I do with out you? 

You are a mess. An absolute stinker. A conundrum of some sort.  Do you know what you want? Because I don't.  Nearly 20 months together and you keep me on my toes every. blessed. day.

You are entering what i like to call: the parrot stage. You are mimicking phrases and sounds all of the time.  This week Evaleigh said "daughter" and you followed right along and said the same.  Yesterday I was trying to teach Evaleigh how to say a clear "v" on veil instead of "bail" as it was coming out.  

"V...v...v...veil." I would say and you would trail right along behind like my little echo. 

Your all time favorite word right now other than obviously "no", is "whyyyyy".  I think you've been absorbing your sisters form of communication a little too much. 

If we ask you to come inside you say, "why?" If we tell you to sit down you say, "why?"   It's much too much sass for any 20 month old.  Either you have great timing or really you do understand what we are saying.

Tonight on our family trip to Target to buy diapers your dad and I just got right in your face and started saying "why" over and over to you.  You just grinned slyly and looked away to the side.  You know you are a mess and you get away with it.

You say "uh oh" as loud as you can and then throw whatever you can on the ground.  You got it all backwards.

You. Climb. On. Everything.

You want nothing more than to sit in the refrigerator and pull out yogurts to hand me.  

You enjoy hitting me and then when i tell you, "be gentle to your mommy." You run my face ever so softly.

You sleep with lavender diffused in your room every night and you love to sniff it before going to sleep. You scrunch up your nose and it's the cutest.

We love each other a lot. A lot.

im a wedding girl too

Yesterday Evaleigh was so excited to see me in my wedding dress. I hope she always remembers the excitement of our anniversary every year.  I could see her little wheels turning in her mind with wide eyes of adoration and awe as I glided around the house in my wedding dress.  She asked me over and over to spin in the living room and each time she would squeal with delight.  It's the kind of moment where you can feel, almost tangibly, that a memory is being made.

She asked right away to put on her wedding dress after I tried my dress on early that morning to see how I would get in it, if at all! Last year it zipped up no problem, this year I had a few more Ben&Jerry pounds to answer for. So a cardigan thrown over the back would just have to do.

We spent the morning making flower crowns and she slipped in to her white dress, Cinderella plastic slippers from her Grammy, her blonde hair weave of course, and her flower crown.

She looked in the mirror and exclaimed, "I'm beautiful!" And she was. And is.

The whole day she paraded around saying that she was going to get married.  She went inside her teepee and said it was the temple. That warmed my heart. 

I hope she remembers how special yesterday was for all of us.  How glad I am to have such a full and lovely life with these people. 

I love John Murphy, Evaleigh Joy, & Avett Mills.

Still basking

Yesterday really was fantastic.  

John came home after school with lilies in hand and an anniversary gift. He said, "I've written you a poem. Do you want to read it or do you want me to read it for you?"  Of course I opted for him to read it.  "It's meant to be funny but It also might make you cry."  He sure knows me, I cry a lot and this was no exception. 

"Of the 5 years we've complied.

There are two things which make me smile.

1st being the children you've baked.

2nd of course the music we make.

So, here's to 60 more together.

Full of songs that last beyond forever."

I looked at him with tear brimmed eyes and lept up to wrap my arms around him.  "I love it!!" Then he handed me a leather sketchbook and a beautiful pen for us to write our songs in.

Since yesterday I've already written one song and I can't wait to fill it up with more.

f i v e

To five years with my squints.

Life with you is simply more than I ever imagined marriage could be.  You came in to my life as such a surprise a little more than five years ago.  I had plans to leave for a mission and you had plans to go off to Utah for school.  Our paths collided in Georgia and within a matter of weeks we changed everything to be together.  Dating you was electrifying and comfortable all at the same time.  I'll never forget the moment I was riding in Laura Bain's car and you were in Colorado for Christmas and I finally said it out loud, "I think I'm going to marry John Murphy."  

On January 3rd you put a guitar string ring on my finger and asked me to be your wife.  I remember hopping back in the car after you asked my fathers permission and both of us squealing at the tops of our lungs saying how exciting and fun life ahead of us was going to be.  

 I was never more certain of anything and choosing to put my life with yours has been the easiest and best decision I ever made and we've both never looked back.

Thank you for being an excellent communicator, an easy going man, a wonderful listener, an enthusiast for learning, a committed student, an intriguing conversationalist, an everyday comedian, the ultimate tickler wrestler and massager, a spiritual leader, an eclectic and classic music maker, a tender hearted observer, an engaging friend, an exceptional father, a determined provider, and an incredibly sexy husband. And oh so much more...

5 years, 4 moves, 2 babies. Let's just keep on going ok? I love you endlessly.

Love, wife of your life aka freckles

(thank you for keeping our annual wedding clothes anniversary tradition alive)

And a BIG thank you to Whitney Gossling Photography for these shots.

5 years

Last night John Murphy and I celebrated 5 years of marriage over a delicious dinner and a stroll around the bookstore. We went to look for a cookbook I've been pining for for over a year.  When it wasn't there we looked online and found it for $7.99 down from $27.99.  An anniversary miracle I tell you! Dinner was so lovely. We had the best stuffed peppadew peppers with a balsamic glaze that were out of this world. We spent 5 minutes dissecting them and figuring out how we could make them ourselves.

We shared some really exciting conversation that I am so excited about and I can't wait to make good on the things we talked about! 

I love this life we've created together and there is still so so so much in store.  I can't wait to do every single bit of it with him.  He is the perfect fit for me and encourages me to go for anything that comes to my mind. 

 He never complains when I'm overly OCD about our bed covers, jerking then around each night until they are just right. And that says just about everything you'd need to know about him. So kind, so loving, so patient. 

Resolution update

Two weeks ago while my babies slept I finished reading The Book of Mormon for the second time since January (Jan. 30-May 11)! My New Years resolution for 2015 was to read the Book of Mormon as many times as I could in the year.  I've never been a great reader so this was a lofty goal for me.  I have been so proud of my self and the way I've been able to stay on track for what I've wanted to do.

I am so in love with that book and how it makes me feel when I make the time to read it.  I know it is true scripture given to us by God.  I know that it works hand in hand with the Bible to bring us the full gospel of Jesus Christ. It has blessed my life immeasurably this year and I am so grateful for the success I've had in my goal to read it as many times as possible this year.  It is true and actual scripture and it is revelation given to us by God.  The heavens are not shut and He still speaks to us today to our own souls and through His living prophets upon the earth. I believe that with my whole soul. And I believe in Christ, He is my King. 

Chatuge

This past weekend we went to the lake with some friends from church up in north Georgia. They got a boat and john was signed off to drive it. I couldn't stop thinking about how attractive he looked driving it. I loved being out there with our kids.  When night came the light show started, I've never seen lightening bugs like they were out there! It was almost like strobe lights. 

We spent our time playing guitar and singing all together, playing cards, boating and tubing, s'moreing, cooking for each other and having great chats. It was a much needed little break with john murphys's grueling summer semester!

6 month tunnel

The is a moment in the morning when I get Avett out of his crib with a cup of "ca-chit milk" ready to go.  He asks for me to grab all three of his blankies out of the crib with grunts and points and then I wrap him up in my arms. I go downstairs, usually to the soundtrack of Evaleigh's many questions which have already started, and I flop down in the blue rocking chair recliner.  I stare in to his beautiful eyes and stroke his hair and for a moment we snuggle like we used to when he was so little.  It's one of the calmer moments of the day.  

I find a lot of peace in the moment and I try to savor it just a bit more because I know what lies ahead.  Avett is not exactly what I'd call an easy child.  I adore and love him endlessly but the past 6 months he has tested my patience in motherhood in ways that have driven me to the edge of my limits. It has taken me to my knees in prayer many times since and the answer I get almost every time is, "just be there for him."  It is easy to get caught up in the tasks of the day and when he is wailing at my knees and pushing me as hard as he can away from dinner or laundry or lunch it is so challenging for me to find that balance. 

While I finally feel like I am seeing some light at the end of the six month long tunnel there are still moments when he is just inconsolable. I am glad however that they have moved from days to moments.  I've never been able to figure out exactly a method with him that is dependable.  I just don't remember Evaleigh being this difficult. It is frustrating as his mom not to have the answers all of the time. 

I know I am supposed to be learning a lesson from all of this.  And I just hope that whatever it is that I am actually learning it and changing the way that God wants me to. I feel like He has been molding me with this trial of the last 6 months with Avett.  I want to grow and I want to be stretched and changed for the better and for certain that is what my children help me to do.  

/////

Well I'm off to clean up from the day and rearrange the living room while John Murphy studies for his Finance test tomorrow. I'm looking forward to a quiet lonesome night with some music and my thoughts. 

What I have

Sometimes motherhood is overwhelming.  Sometimes it is frustrating and exhausting.  Sometimes it is stickier and messier than I'd like.  Sometimes I don't live up to my own expectations.  But I am doing the best job I know how with what I have.  I'm learning to be patient with them and myself each new day.  I am being shaped and refined by these two little people and I know I am exactly where I am supposed to be. And it is so so very good. 

"Motherhood isn't something you fit in when you have time, it is what God gave you time for."

a little girl in her mothers dress

Oh Evie, today you made my dreams come true.

This morning I taught a seminary lesson about eternal marriage.  I set up the room like a wedding reception and I had my wedding dress on display.  

About 15 years ago, well before I knew John, I started writing letters to my future husband. I would tell him about the things going on in my life and what I was doing to prepare to marry him someday.  It helped me keep an eternal perspective as a youth as to the goal that I wanted.  It is hard when you are young and there are  so many temptations and struggles placed in your way but writing these letters helped me keep an eternal perspective.

The night before John and I were married I gave him the box of letters while sitting in our rented white Mustang.  We laughed and laughed as a lot of them were pretty lame and embarrassing.  However what was clear was that even before I knew who my husband was going to be I prayed for him, thought of him, and tried my best to stay worthy of him by keeping him in my mind and trying to reflect that as best as I could with the decisions I made.

I shared some of those letters with my class today and I encouraged them to write a letter to their future husband or wife. I was amazed at how almost every single one of them went silent and took the time to write what looked like long thoughtful letters.

When I got home I hung my dress in the living room and hopped back in bed.  I woke up to Evie saying, "oh mommy, I saw your wedding dress in the living room!"  I swear. Nothing gets by her.  Later while I was getting ready to put it away she asked if she could try it on.  

Well why not?!

So we did, and she was giddy and happy and looked so beautiful.  My heart was just bursting with joy seeing her in the dress my mother made for me.  It made me hope so much that she does what ever she can in her life to look forward to the day when she gets to go to the temple with her own love to be married.  Making choices that will cause her to be worthy of that is the most important thing she will ever do. 

She tells me all of the time that she wants to marry someone like her daddy.  I tell her that he is the most kind, handsome, and genuine man I've ever met and that she has to marry someone just like him.  

Marrying my John Murphy was the best decision I ever made. Hands down.  

E

My dearest e.

Look how long your legs are getting.  

I love almost every sentence that comes out of your mouth. "What's in your heart?" "I'm going to rub your arm and take care of you." "Mom should we make banana swirl Popsicles while brother is asleep?" And on and on.  Most nights when I put you to bed I like to ask you, "Is there anything you want to tell me before you fall asleep?"  Many nights you come up with one little detail of the day you like to remind me about or something you'd like to do the following day and then you say, "is that a good idea?" With a big smile on your face.  But two nights ago you turned the tables and asked me, "mama is there anything you want to tell me?"  And yes, there was, so I said it.  You are a daughter of God and don't you ever forget it. 

I hope you always remember what that means. I love you fiercely my little girl.  Keep growing, keep learning, and keep being your compassionate brilliant in every sense of the word self.

Xoxo,

Mama (which you live to say 200 times a day)

Right now

I am just REALLY loving this little girl right now.  This afternoon I was flashing a reflection from my phone around on the ceiling and Evaleigh thought it was a fairy. She thought the fairy was playing with her and was hiding under the lamp shade.  I bounced the light up and down from the couch to the wall and she said, "Look! She is jumping on the couch!" So she did the same.  I just adore childhood imagination.

I love that she calls Avett, "little buddy".  "Come on my little buddy, No little buddy don't eat that."  It's the best.

The other night she and I made cupcakes together after Avett went to sleep.  I love our alone time.  

She sings and dances every day. Yesterday's song of the day was Stay with me by Sam smith and Damaged a la Pentatonix version.  Her dance moves are getting increasingly sassy.

Love her love her love her love her love her love her. 

how #thearmorofgodchallenge came to be - Part 1

This is a story of unity.  This is a story of how Latter Day Saint seminary students came together all over the world in the cause of linking together in spiritual fortification and protection.  This is a story of how we have the power to fight using the Armor of God every single day.

Back in the beginning of October one night I was preparing to teach Doctrine & Covenants 27 to my seminary class in Monroe, Georgia. The scriptures were about putting on the whole armor of God.  I read the quote in our lesson manual by Elder M. Russell Ballard that said, “I like to think of this spiritual armor not as a solid piece of metal molded to fit the body but more like chain mail. Chain mail consists of dozens of tiny pieces of steel fastened together to allow the user greater flexibility without losing protection. I say that because it has been my experience that there is not one great and grand thing we can do to arm ourselves spiritually. True spiritual power lies in numerous smaller acts woven together in a fabric of spiritual fortification that protects and shields from all evil”

 As I was preparing this lesson I felt the prompting to challenge my students to come up with 100 different ways to put on the armor of God. I decided to have them write them down on small strips of paper and then link them together in a paper chain resembling chain mail. The next day I presented my students with the challenge and they eagerly took to it.  They all gathered around the podium and worked together shouting out and writing down different ways to put on the armor of God. When we were finished I had a student dress in armor and wrapped the chain around him.

It was a very spiritual and impactful lesson. Later that day I posted the picture that I took of my student in the armor on our LDS seminary teachers Facebook page. The page has about 2,500 teachers from all over the world. I extended the challenge to these other teachers and asked if they were interested they could leave their email and I would send over more details about the challenge. 

The first time I posted about this I had 150 teachers respond and show interest.  That day as I was sending off an email to all of the teachers I said "Why don't we take this one step further?  If you take this challenge with your class please send your links to us here in Monroe, Georgia and we will connect all of the paper chains from around the world together to see how long we can make the chain.  Let's unify our seminary students across the world. Let's connect them to the gospel of Jesus Christ. Lets hasten the work and excite souls. Let's put on the armor of God and come together to share this message in a powerful, impactful, and positive way!"  I sent my address to all of these teachers with a prayer in my heart that this challenge would turn out to be whatever Heavenly Father wanted it to be.

Two weeks later envelopes and boxes and packages started coming in from all over the country.  I was getting more emails and messages every single day from teachers who had heard about the challenge and wanted to take it with their classes. There were boxes and envelopes with pictures of students from all over the world. Seeing their faces was so powerful and I couldn't believe the miracle that I was witnessing.  It brought me to my knees in tears of humility and gratitude many times.  I was humbled that my small and simple idea had grown in to a mountainous pile of boxes and envelopes so high I couldn't see the ceiling in my living room.

Since then we have received thousands and thousands of paper links from all over the world.  Many of them are from the U.S. With more than half of the U.S. States represented.  We have also had participants from 6 other countries: the Netherlands, Italy, Germany, England, Canada, and Japan. 

There have been over 1,000 seminary students participate worldwide.  

Our final chain is estimated to be 1/2 mile long. 

I am so grateful for the power of social media and through it that this challenge has been able to spread all over the world.

It is so incredible to see the faces of the students who are participating in this challenge. I love to line the pictures up side-by-side and imagine them all as an army fighting this battle. They are a beautiful and strong army.  

Through the small and simple things we do each day we can add a chain link in our armor and protect ourselves from the adversary.   These seminary students are fighting very real battles every day wether they are physical, emotional, personal, mental, or spiritual.  Through this challenge we are all coming together and unifying ourselves in the battle and fighting with each other and for righteousness.  I know that as we strive to put on the Armor of God and put a link in our armor every single day that we can be protected and fight.  We are on the winning side!  

What have you done to put a link in your spiritual armor today?

open statement to extreme couponers

An open statement to extreme couponers: if you are going to take 15+ minutes to checkout and you see a struggling mom with two crazy kids whiz in behind you, kindly let her know that you might be a little while.  It will be much appreciated.  Seriously. 

Today we were 'that' family.  You know the one you look at and think to yourself, "can't that mother control her children?!" It was mortifying.  I don't know what it was but they turned in to little monsters right as we got in to the grocery store. I've literally never whizzed through the store so fast before in sheer desperation.  

The meltdown was in full blown glory and in my oblivious state of course I get behind the extreme couponer. 

I've literally never seen someone with this many coupons.  I mean she deserves some credit that she saved $110 on her grocery bill but, for the love, I would have loved to know that she was going to nit pick every other 3rd coupon.  

As frazzled as I was we were in straight survival mode.  Avett was hungry so he kept grabbing items off of the conveyer belt.  But half of them were glass.  The last thing I wanted was the glass jar of yeast to go plummeting to the ground.  So it ticked him off he couldn't hold it and it was the only thing he wanted.  Then he was squealing to get down out of the cart.  

Of course every time he screamed Evaleigh cried that it was 'hurting her ears.'  She was so fussy and so difficult I started twitching.  I'm typically an extremely patient person.  But with the combo of my crazy kids and the extreme couponer I was at the steam coming out of my ears level.  Had I known the time it would all have taken I would have gladly gone to a different aisle.  

The woman in front of me never said a word although she was clearly aware of the meltdown behind her.  After we finished our checkout I dashed as quickly to the car as I could while scourering the parking lot for this woman.

I had a plan to calmly and kindly give her my above tip.  She was obviously much faster at puting her groceries in the car than she was at paying for them. 

Please forgive my snarkiness, it's not like me to get so upset.  So, I'm going to go grab my Trader Joes chocolates and sit in the fetal position on the couch until my kids are up from their naps.

*****

(The above picture was taken earlier in the day at Trader Joes which was quite the lovely stop.  Even though they didn't have my coconut chips.)

bubble

I love my life as a stay at home mom. We live in a little bubble here and our days are slow and sometimes quiet. We keep to ourselves most of the time since John and I share one car and he is at school during the days. 

Evaleigh spends a lot of time doing puzzles and coloring while Avett goes around making a lot of messes. Sometimes at the end of the day it can be frustrating but I wouldn't have it any other way.  We are constantly rotating between the living room the kitchen and jumping off the bunkbeds in the basement. 

With the weather cold now we don't spend as much time outside as we would like but I'm looking forward to warmer weather so we can live outside again.  I never thought I would say I look forward to summer.  But here I am in January looking forward to making water bubbles and playing outside in diapers and undies. 

Of course there are hard things too, I'm really struggling with Avett wanting to be at my feet all of the time he's pretty fussy sometimes.  It can be quite wearing on my nerves. But then I remember that he'll only be this little for so much longer. Parenting is such a roller coaster.

I really cherish this time when we are quite untouched by the outside world, all we do is hang out with each other all day long. And I love it.